saka na ang blow out

haha..madami bumati sakin..lahat ng means(email, cell, blog) grabe..tuwa naman ako.. salamat po talga...

basta may blow out ako.wait nalang kung kelan.
tahnkspotalga!

flushed

yep! this is actually a human waste disposal system--a portalet. haha...
good crampy space there. i wonder where those guys hide.




see the color yellow? eww.. very much urbanized isnt it?
men love stains. really.. tsk tsk

somber window

a piece of plastic bottle containing alcohol sits in the window sill of my room. a support for those loose jalousies that soon, would slid of its cases and fall. no wonder a sumbody had the idea of wrapping the jalousies with a black bag and pushing the old transformer as an additional support. this black plastic bag, not only will serve as a binder but also as a waterproofing for this part of the room. a good heat and water protector that is.
now, its 230 in the afternoon and i see the beams of the hotstar throwing on that window. the window is closed but the black bag outside seems to go with the wind. its loose end flowing northwest. inside, the transformer, decayed with rust is now hot. and the i see drops of water condensing inside the plastic bottle. perhaps the powerful gases had already escaped mainly because of heat.
it would no longer be an antiseptic and a disinfectant

pakalasing!!! MIGS!!



perhaps you have seen this picture already--(nung andito pa yung link ng album ko). well, i was browsing my pictures when i remembered the event this pic was taken! yeah! dun sa party ng aking cowboy friend na si migs.. as always, he's hosting lots and lots of painom.. he just got dead after my dad grounded me. hehe.. he's too scared of my tatay.. no wonder i dont see him anymore although he's just 2 blocks away from here! nyah!! lagot ka sakin.. my dad told me how the phone rings everynight but when answered, biglang baba sa phone. ok! nice try dude! miss yah!

istikman

mula sa isang bilog
at iilang linya
ikaw ay nabuo
mga brasong walang kamay
mga binting walang paa
ulong walang mukha

subalit...buhay.

nakatayo at patuloy
na kumakapit ang buong katawan
tila tingting sa kanipisan na
walang nararamdaman
manhid na buhay.

nakapagtataka...
niha..niho..ni katiting na hikahos

guhitan ng ngiti
isang umlaot na walang mukha
hayaan mong putulin ko ang braso
at hita

at patuloy ka pa ring tatayo
habambuhay. hanggat di
nabubulok ang kinakapitang
hiyas--isang papel.

a hollow finish

along the walls of my manor,
hang gleaming frames
that enshrine my days of glory..

from a menial, hapless life
whcih even a fly cannot endure
i sought the zenith of my success
driven by memories of my harsh
past

no obstacles kept me from my
mirage
i cheated, fought, and outwit
everyone
like a devil in sheep's clothing.
i achieved the success i wanted
though it left a bittersweet scar.

surrounded by luxuries that
dazzled everyone
though still hollow the only
pair of eyes
that look upon them intimately
while the other glances become
mere fading colors
of shadows wrecked by my hideous past.

as the frames fell in the empty manor
i was struck by the misdeed i have done
but the remorse that consumes me
is not enought for the guilt

whiling

pheww.. nakakapagod pala ang mabore.. well, thanks po sa mga bumalik ng taggers. kahit di ko kayo kilala, namiss ko kayo, i dont know kung its because of mr. nice guy.. siguro mga alipores niya kayo or pwede rin na bakla kayo at puro updates about mr. nice guy lang ang nais.. haha.. joke!
wala akong magawa.. mejo geeky ang aking pinagkakaabalahan.. reading purgatorio by dante.. eek ba? wala eh.. kelangan may mapagubusan ng panahon..
7 days na lang before my bday.. hmmm
sana di na siay dumating.. fmily stuff lang ito..

lapses

an unexplainable feeling. yan ang naramdaman ko kanina.. i dont know. siguro nga malinaw na sa kin, na may nililigawan ka ngang iba. pero you told me na wala naman talga. sige naniwala ako.. pero pakiramdam ko, this is for real. na meron nga. ewan. kanina sinuway ko na naman ang promise ko, na never ko na idial ang no. mo sa cel. pero still, miniscall kita with no apparent reason.. hay.. ang kulit. sabi ko sayo, li low na muna pero sa nakikita ko mukhang mahihirapan ako.. after what happened. damn! di ako makagetover. maybe, i need some closure.. and i wanna bring this subject about (che....) kung may nililigawan ka.. ayoko na. pumapakla na ang mga sweets mo.. nilalanggam na...

lipservice ka lang pala.

kaso, kahit na anong pilit ko na wag ng isipin, hay, kanina, napanaginipan pa kita..
promise nagisinga ako sa malamig na pawis.. ang hirap bumalik sa pagkaaktulog.
niloko mo ko sa panaginip..

is this for real???

MR. NICE GUYS BACK!!
ewan ko ah.. pero kanina he asked me out.. i mean, magkita daw kami sa cubao. o my god! hehe.. ang astig lang mis ko na siya. he even gave me a ring. hay! balita ko my trabajo na si kumag..
well.. tingan na lang natin..
abangan.. baka maituloiy ko pa ang kwento ko/namin

azteg!!!

i dont know what to call myself. i'm now a member of highfiber..
i just checked the site last week and the entries are really morbid. whoaa! bagay talaga ako dito.
now, how to become a full fledged "fiberian"? hehe...

just got this cover from the site..
cool!

love triangle?

i hate love triangles. especially if you dont know that u r involved.. and its such a crappy idea of "love". well, last nyt, i never thought that i was actually inisde this triangle.. after i called my phone buddy, e told me how hard it is for him to accept everything that is happening between me and his bestfreidn.. and honestly, i dont know what to react.. he was very different last night. although he showed some mood swings on some conversations whcih is quite him.. he was freaking like i did something wrong...blah blah blah.
and when i asked him what he wanted to happen, he just told me that everythings gonna be fine for him. "di daw kami talo" he said.
as for me, i'm still trying to understand what the hell is wrong. and being into this some sort of love triangle is not actually cool, in fact i feel so much of a leading lady in the movies.. yung tipong tatanga tangang ewan..

para akong nasa teen oriented shit movie.nakakadiri.

a short love story.. (hopefully not)

tama na muna ang drama.. dahil hindi ko talga yun forte.. mamatay na ang mga drama queen. although malala nga ang problemang pampamilya, a million tahnks muna sa bloger for this.. may outleet na ako na pwede kong pagtiwalaan. ths will be my family. kasama ng mga artcles na binuo ko out of being a loner.. and being happy.
this entry is for the person who assured me na di niya ko iiwan..
at ulit, gaya ng sinabi ko, patuloy kong magtitwala sa pagibig..

pangalanan na lang natin siyang si super dao (para sa kanyang pic ala dao ming shit)
ngayon lang ako magoopen ng ganitong topic ulit ryt after mr. nice guy. hehe.. this is for real siguro.
yesterday, magkasama kami.. at sobrang saya.. hmmm.. kwento ko ba??
basta after the ga, nakipagkita ako sa kanya.. ayoko pa umuwi, impiyerno ang bahay.. siya lang ang maasahan kahapon

setting: bigR
we met sa may arcade

super dao: (nagpapanggap na di ako nakita. dirediretso sa exit)
lilmissgullible:uy!
super dao: hehe.. mukha kang wasted ah
lilmissgullible:oo nga eh

nagstroll kami.. tapos punta kami sa favorite niyang coffeeshop (firenze)
super dao: ay shit! nakalimot ako ng sigarilyo
lilmissgullible:o, sama ako
super dao: wag na, upo ka na jan.. baba lang ako
lil miss gullible: hindi sama na ko

so, super daobought a marlboro then balik kami sa taas sa firenze

super dao: o, ano gusto mo?
lilmissgulluibe: wala akong gana, maya na siguro
super dao: bala ka nga

umorder na siya.. at ako, bothered sa problemang pampamilya
then, yun kwento lang ako ng screwed up life ko.. shmepre mejo comdey para naman di mukhang drama ang buhay
until

lilmissgullible: (pinakita ang drwing na petrang kabayo costume) oH!
super dao: haha.. ang taba naman niya (he then added eyes, nose, ears, at kung ano ano pa)
lilmissgullible: yan costume ko eh mukhang fatso noh?
super dao: hehe

after nun, ayun bili lang kami ng materials sa costume
nung pauwi na kami...

super dao: ano hatid pa ba kita?
lilmissgullible:ikaw?
super dao: gusto mo naman eh diba/
lilmissgullible: eh alam mo naman pala eh.. bala ka (naangasan ako in fairness)

so yun, punta na kaming sakayan pauwi.. slapstick comedy talga.. gawa ngmga the moves from tekken. at nung nagsawa na eh pinagpupukpok na lang ako ng mga felt paper (materials sa costume) putsa saya niya.. eh ako ang helpless kasi tangkad eh.. feel ko bayagn kaso may umepal

bata:ate, penge ng piso
super dao: (kinapa ang bulsa meron pa daw siyang piso.. paglabas isang 25 cents na lang pala)
ay sorry! eto na lang eh
lilmissgullible: o eto (piso para sa bata)
super dao: magkanobinigay mo?
lilmissgullible: piso

hanggang yun nakakita na ko ng fx.. akala ko naman sasabay siya pauwi. pero hindi naman pala.. grrr. ok lang

madami na kaming labas.. pero nagyon lang ako magsastart magkweno.. ewan ko.. pero i feel happy after harold.. for real. pakramdam ko seryoso na ito..
the only thing na bothered ako is di ako makakapunta ngayon
may usapan kami na magmimeet, may gusto siya sabihin personally
"its now or never"

kaso kahit gusto ko, alam kong di ko magagwa, GROUNDED ako..
may concept ako ng pagibig and that is: it is patient...
kaso tama rin naman na sa pagibig tatawirin ang lahat...
hindi ko alam..
its now or never..

nakalulungkot naman na ang akala kong isa na namang pagibig ay masusukat lang sa isang pagkikita... tinanong ko siya kagabi kung bakit ganun ka urgent pero all he was saying was "tomorrow"... at wala ng iba

this is tomorrow.. now or never...

life's a bitch

ngayon ko napatunayan, na i dont have anything to turn to.. niloko ako ng sarili kong tiwala. ginago ako ng sinasabing pagmamahal.. nsasakal na ko ngayon.. at pilit kong hinaharap ang matinding pagsubok na ito. sadyang madamot ang "pagmamahal" simula't simula pa, nasaktan na ko pero pilit kong inaabot upang maintindihan ko kung papaano nga ba siya gumagana.. subalit tunay nga lamang na para sa mga makikitid na utak ang salitang ito..

pakiramdam ko ako si "CRisto"
--nagtiwala subalit ipinagkanulo ng sarili niyang disipulo, pinarusahan dahil sa "pagmamahal" ng mga tao sa sarili...

ang ganang akin lamang, buhay ko ito.. at desisyon kong gawin ang aking mga nais.. i never failde my parents ever since. and now that they know, naiinis ako di sa kanila kundi dahil alam na nila.. i dont want them to know kasi iisipin nila na mali sila--na alam kong di naman talaga.. masaya lang ang takbo ng buhay ko kapag nagagawa ko ang gusto ko. siguro, i deserved better after every pain that happened before.. pero hindi, hindi ako pinayagna n maging masaya..

magdadrama na muna ko:
if not for my bitchy chuchu sister, di naman ito mangayari. akala niya nakatulong siya pero no! naaggravate pa ang issue. pinahiya niya ko sa magulang ko.. she just wanted to be this gooody goody bithc sa bahay.. sige panalo ka! ngayon.. pero alam ko buhay ko to.. at wala kang paki.. sa bawat sariling buhay alam kong siya rin ang bida. daarating din ang araw ko. siguro nga di ngayon. pero tang inaa, lam kong babalikan din akko ng swerte.

patay na ko. i dont have anything to live for.. i love being free. i'm happy being free.. and wala ng iba.. at ngayong pakiramdam ko, kinulong na ko sa mundo---sa realidad na ninanais ng tatay ko sadyang isang impiyerno..
mapagpanggap ang mga tao dito.. at obligado akong gumaya.

screw life.. and love's a bitch..
binenta ako ng pagmamahal at tiwala.

edged

sabi na eh.. the world is out to get mewhile typing this piece of crap, i was crying. nalaman na ng dad ko.. lahat.everything about me. myself---my real me. and he was shocked. the usual reaction of parents. anyways, if not for my "nagmamalinis" na kapatid, di ako mabubuking. i dont want to put them in. this is my own life for chrissake. now, look what happened, after waht my sister did, i'm facing this crisis. of whether to stay or not. i hve plans of leaving the house--just to avoid these issue. god! if he is there.. sana matulungan niya ko. kaso binuking niya ko eh.. and now i felt stripped off--left with my dirtiest things for my parents to see. ihate them.. di ko alam. the first question they asked: bakit??? how many times?? of course ako? wala lang. isaid, di ko na mabilang. whch is true.. lalo ko atang nasaktan eh. pero nevermind, kasalanan nila. if only they stopped asking me, eh di hindi na ko napahiya at di na rin umiyak ang dad ko.. whoo i felt no remorse at all. i am calloused--i dont feel anything. wala lang. as in para lang akong nagkukwento sa kanila.. good thing nailabas ko na. para wala ng tago tagoand now, my dad has plans to stop me from school for a sem. ipaparehab ata ako.. san naman? sa guidance. basta pag natuloy yun, aalis talga ako ng bahay.. di ako titigil sa school.the hell with them.. i'm hating them more now that they've seen the real me. i just wished that after these, maging normal na ang buhay namin..

Aka Boy negro

isa lamang siya
sa mga taong
namatay
at nagkapira-piraso
dahil sa grupong
nagpapaka-Kristo

binti't braso niya'y
natagpuan kung saan saan
ang mantsa ng siyudad
ay humahalo
sa bahid ng tao.
nilalang at latak
kawangis ng kapalran,
tuberiyas angkinahantungan

dungis man ng lipunan,
hindi nakalimot
sa pinanggalingan
kapwa tao'y
di tinalikuran
at tumugon
sa nangangailangan

mananabas man
ng kinabukasan
kaluluwa ma'y
impiyerno ang kahihinatnan,
ito lang ang natatanging pinanggagalingan
ng kaginhawaang ikinabubuhay
ng mga mahal sa buhay

pagktao man ay halang
at ngayo'y di mapangalanan

tao pa ring mapagkakakilanlan.

at last 100th entry na ako!!

parang independence day naman.. kumbaga isang maligayang centennial sa akin! wish ko lang may imvironment din itong blog para sakto sa aking celebration.

"free as a bird na ako"
no more worries from school work and acad. stuffs, sa love?? pwede na rin siguro. he called last nyt although mejo nagkaroon ng napakalaking away.. hmmp never mind (kababawan ng mundo), and of course free na talaga ako!! bsta! saya lang

malapit na rin akong maging malaya from being an adolescent.. HAPPY BDAY TO ME!!
wish ko lang may sounds din.
gusto ko nga pala nung book na fineature ko. wala akong makita sa natio sino kayang makapagbibigay?? magiging kumpleto na ang taon ko nito!

nakakabano talga pag nadedrain ang utak no? paaano wala na kong mapasok na entry na insightful. puro na lang poems.. shit!!! gusto ko rin naman yung mejo matalak yung dating...
wala ako sa haus. naglaboy sa kung san sa gale. pampalipas oras. wala naman kasing magawa sa bahay. mamatay na ko sa mga pagkain dun. wag na nating pagusapan. mejo magahahnap na rin ako ng paraan para sa finacial problem namin ni abi. about L..E.G... okies. maya, tambay na lang siguro ako sa bahay nila jamie. nagaaya na naman siya eh. ewan ko kung kasama pa rin yung dalwang malibog.. hehe.. di na muna ako iinom. feel ko lang magising buong gabi/araw.. parang sobrang saya ko lang talga.

its like a second moksha.. rebirth of the new me. ewan ko lang kung bakit.

major problem

oo nga, last night, i received a text from mer.. ako daw si petrang kabayo. and sadly, i dont know how trhis kyo looked like. pero i have the idea that she is a she and a white horse na ang malabo eh, kung tikbalang ba or just a plain white talking horse.. hmm... so here's the pic of this pathetic white horse..
onting retouches lang sa pic na to malalamn ko na magiging itsura ko for the culmi..



so siya si jiggy.. ang kawawang kabayo.. now lemme see kung papaano ko mapaasok yng mukha ko sa mukha niya.. haha

monthsary kunwari

nakakatawa yung mga tao. everytime i am willing to do them a favor, napakahesitant nilang pumayag.. wala lang, i just remembered na nagalit pala ako kay fiona and albert coz napakaarte nila. kanina, i went to gale with them pati na rin with some guy name jamie.. eh ako pa ang nagantay sa dalawa.. while jamie, parehas lang kami na nagkita sa may strbucks.. whoppee, we got ourselves some straberry frap tapos sinmahan ko na rini ng isang coffee brownie and a chocolate cake-- grabe na ang appetite while si jamie, yun nakakpagtaka umorder lang ng cappuccino ang init naman ng weather..
anyways, nung dumating sila si fiona at albert, tutsang ina, 2 hours din yun! anong kagaguhan na naman ang ginawa nila?? hmmm.. sabi nila parating na sila in 30 mins.. tapos na two hours pa silang late.. mukhang kakaiba lang.. si albert parang nakahithit ang pootah.
hehe, shempre, pabait ako.. may pera ako kanina para dapat samin ni jp ---eh busy naman siya.. pati nga friendster request ko nakahang eh.. nabwisit tuloy ako.. bala na lang siya.. (kinansel ko na nga eh)
monthsary namin and guess what? wala namang matinong nangyayari.. busy as a bee si jp wiht thesis niya.. bala siya. ayun inubos ko na lang ang pera na supposedly para samin...pinambili ng mga painom at pulutan.. pinagorder ng pizza hehe..
going back, punta kaming apat sa bahay ni jamie sa corinthians.. rk si gago no wonder.. pumarty lang kami. tapos lumklak.. mga hapon na rin siguro mga 3 ng hapon bangenge na ko..
oo nga, sila albert ewan nagkakagaguhan na sila sa couch.. putsa liveshow..
mejo, kakauwi ko lang.. ok na ulit ako. pero pakiramdam ko, i'll throw up.. eeekk..
hay... saya ng monthsary ko grabe!

LESSON IN LIFE

nagising nanaman ako.
that's what i hate most when i sleep yung waking up. its like heaven going to hell. then heaven going to hell... blah blah blah..
sometimes i wish that when i sleep, i'll sleep forever. no disruptions.. only me and my world. my dreamland. coz everytime, i woke up, i'm eating dust. and i'm being ... manipulated by this higher being.. kung sino man siya. i'm not talking about the divine.. this higher being is a sucker. a leech!!

and my reality is: life is paired with this leech. so everytime i wake up,
RUT!!! BEWARE OF THIS LEECH.. gisng ka na naman kasi..darn it.. if i could only sleep... forever.. wishing..

too be honest,after last week, i'm screwing my whole life again.. i am like a shithead.. and i'm deranged for the nth time.. because of serving my master leech.. (jp, thanks for being there.. i appreciate u so much.. lately)MASTER LEECH... PLEASEDONT LEAVEME.. I"M WEAK WITHOUT YOU.. haha..i am hypntoized.. this divine being is just so a god. he is everywhere.. but the only thing my master cared for is himself.. a selfish god.. very indifferent.

anotehr realization:"all the while i thought i was learning how to live, i have been learning how to die."
surely, serving my master teaches me how to live my life like hell. bullshit!

to make it or break it

isang mabilisang love story ang lahat.. or tipong isang lingggong gamitan. na tila ako ang nabiktima. parang born loser ako na walang nangyayari sa buhay ko kundi kainin ng malas ang lahat.. at di ako makapaniwalang isa ka sa magiging dahilan ng pinakamalakas na sampal sa buhay ko..
matapos ang lahat.. ang akala kong limang buwan na pagkakaibigan ay tila isang bangungot.. pakiramdam ko, higanti ng kahapon.
"to maek it or break it" oo nga at di sa kin galing ang issung ito. napaoo lang ako. isang major dillema. isang tao na naman ang nakapagpaiyak sa kin. wala na kong katapusan sa pagluha. parang bata na tumtahan lang sa saglit na kendi.
ano nga bang sinabi niya sa issueng to?
i said: OO 'd make it.. while he said: "ewan". at napakalabo talga. prehas talga kayo. parating gitna. why do i al;ways end up with guys na nasa gitna ang desisyon. na feling klo, may unresolved conflict sila sa sarili nila. at pathetic coz he doesnt understand his own self. na a simple question such as that would keep me hanging and hoping for some things to be favorable to me. tang inagn ewan yan.. sino ba kasi ang nagimbento niyan. nagkakalabuan pa tuloy.

HE asked me "do u love him?" sabi ko, " err... ewan di ko alam." at may bigla siyang sinabi na nakapagparealize na tama ... na i don't love him.. coz HE said.. kung mahal mo ang isang tao, di mo na pinagiisipan ang sagot. na its automatic. at i think na HE is right.. di ko mahal si him..

and im in love with HE .. a realization that struck me 3 weeks ago. that HE is different and that makes HE stand out. na hindi lahat ay hinahanap.

the past week was a complete fun. to be honest. like a dream land. na lahat ng sintomas ng pagibig ay naanramdaman ko.. and i think HE feels the same way. i respond to every physcial contacts.. coz i do care.. anjan na naman ang pakramdam na may pag ibig nga talga.. na di nga ako disillusiooned.. but then, isang bangungiot nga lang pala siguro ang mga pangayari

nsasakal ako ngayon... umid ako.. tahimik matapos ang paguusap namin kaning umga. HINDI ako makapaniwala..
NAGAMIT AKO.. yun ang lumalabas physcally at emotionally.. at ang laking tanga ko na maniwalang pag ibig opala ang lahat... superficial lang pala. isang palabas.. ang ganda ng pagkakabalot..

"gamitan ba ito?"
HE said hindi.. bago mangyari ang lahat.. maliwanag na wala ang gamitan issue. mahal niya nga siguro ako...
subalit isang maling akala.. matapos ang mga pangayayri na tumapos sa linggo ng pagsasamahan, i felt TRASHED OUT. tama ang hinala ko
physical gamitan is not the issue here. what i am after is the emotional manpulation.. mahina ako dun. weakness ko yun. at natira niya. magaling.. alam niya na naga talga kung san papatamain ang higanti..
mabait kasi ako.. "di manlalamang pero ayaw malamangan." HE said.. naging laruan nga lang talga ako ng pag ibig.

sorry.. yan ang narinignko after what had happened.. sncere sorries.. pero it doesn't stop the pain.. of being manipulated.. ano nga banbg magagawa ng sorry?
kahit HE denies pa, i feel used.. unintentionally. ironic lang kasi ayaw niya kong masaktan but then, the opposite is what is happening..

"mahal mo ba ako"
akala ko OO.. but then. baliktad na namn. ewan sabi ni HE.. taliwas sa sinabi niya na pag mahal mo ang isang tao wala ng isip isip pa. subalit iba ang naisagot niya.. at masakit sa kin.. HE reasoned out na nagwear off na.. after the rejection.. iba na...

but then why push on if ewan naman pala... iam huritng like hell. shitass!
hindi ako galit sa kanya... mashadong napatanga lang ako. nastarstruck ako sa lahat.. bulag ako ulit.. and now, HE left me hanging.. or ather i feel left out

the only thing na ewan ang sagot niya is because HE dont want to lose me -- yun ang sabi ni (HE).. kaso pinoprolong niya lang yung pain.. na in the end.. mawawala lang din.. i want to hear it now from HE.. kso undecided siya.
and now, i\ll be left alone to mend this pain na nagamit ako.. ng isang taong imposibleng GUMAMIT s kin...

i\m trying hard to deny this.. but still it persist to come back to me... hindi, ayaok maniwala...
"to make it or break it"
i said OO.. i'll makae it...
and HE said (silence)...

i'll keep my fingers crossed...

i dont want to expect again.. i wont feeed my expectations to u.
HE is free to hurt me..
LOVE IS DEMOCRACY..
LOVE IS LOPSIDED...

*gusto ko lang ishare.. in behalf of those na nagamit.. nakikisympatya ako.. natuwa lang ako.. nice lesson..
naiyak ko dito promise.

sa pagtatapos ng semestre

ako na lamang magisa ngayon sa bahay. kasama si ate beng (ang the ultimate naming kasambahay). kakagising ko lang at mejo groggy from the beer i drank last nyt. not that much naman, mga 2 cans of pale pilsen. cguro,ang lakas nun sa calories. anyway, kanina, after i woke up, i went downstairs to eat and i was completely shocked ng makita kong bukas ang banyo and saw ate beng naked (although di ko naman nakita as in... may nakaharang na pader so covered yung hanggang leeg niya). and she was shocked as well, kaya dali daling pumasok sa banyo at nagshower curtain. she even forgot to close the bathroom door. grabe! anong akala niya? na sekxy siya? good thing at wala ang dad ko (of course, tingnan lang natin kung magagawa niya yun).

the sem in up is too short. very early nagend. i hoped that i could do some things while in this short vacation. probably, ituloy ang legacy with abi. wish ko lang mafocus ko na siya.
eeekk... kadiri talga ang agahan/ lunch klo ngayun.. this is what i hate most about lutong bahay. pag minalas ka, malamig na kanin at ulam ang sasalubong sayo.
--chopseuy at tahong na malamig ang kinain ko ngayon
--kumain na rin ako ng ham sandwich. mas masarap pa.

so.. plans! plans!
anong gagawin ko kaya?? alis ako maya maya..
--pumunta sa starbucks katips at mag abang ng mga kaibigang manggugulat, magaaral na rin siguro
--another journal entry siguro. gawin ko somewhere outside the house
--puntang uste.. plano pa lang naman eh.. mukhang uulan kasi. and besyds, jp is probably busy. hintayin ko na lang text
--continue my TM week.. wait for some friend's text and head sa metro east para tumambay.
--foodtrip
--bilhan sila mommy ng max factor.. yun daw ang gusto niya. patungan ko na lang ang presyo
--maghanap ng pamparegla sa quiapo or along timog.. or sa may kamuning

ayan! may plano na ko. the only problem is, di pa ko nakakapagprepare. and walang text from people na pwede kong samahan.. shoot!

THE BASEMENT PARKING SCANDAL

down under...
where the lights giv
e their littlestshine..
and the wallsso dingy.

the picture of you and me

showers a thousand brimstone..
burning..
heatseeps into the cold walls
and lights every dark edges

the picture of you and me

defies every conservativeness
of shame and guilt
of the lustful flesh that serves as our outlet of love
if there is such a thing
but for i know there is...love..

because indeed
you and i were reborn..
a life after the nothings of the past.

maliit na lamang ang 1000

grabe, parang kelan lang may 1000 pako. tpos ngayon, 400 na lamang ang laman ng aking pitaka. parang kinakain ng pitaka ko ang mga pera. di koalam kung san napupunta ang mga laman. kung tutuusin puro pamasahe lang nag natatandaan ko na nilalabas koang perako. pero imposible naman na 600 parasa pamasahe. sobra na talga. anghirap magtipid. kung mismong perang tinitipid mo ay nagagastos mo sa di mo alam na bagay.

minsan sa sobrang pagtitipid, dun ka pa nayayari.

death bed

it is still clear to me...

the dank room and the
chill that hangs heavy on
my chest; the pungent
smell of concentrated urine
and flaccid flowershave
placed me submissive.

the room that served the
purposeof your thirst to
my flesh - the only
existence present.

i was the inflatable doll-
taking in "manly" juices.
hypnotized by desire

the only thing i thanked for..

was the bed, rusted
by time. hollowed by space
like soft thorns that brushed my
back.
and i long to lie for the longest time

anesthetized.

stolen lips

from the moment that
your black lips touched
mine, i felt
disowned by myself

like a firebrand--
an ownership that marks
the skin with
searing pain

an end of freedom
the start of a fall

those bittersweet kisses
i havenot tasted
because every contact
was like cold death

warmth was sucked
left me aghasted

when suddenly finding
the urge to execrate
i was muted
forever

the red on my face was gone.

addiction

yehey! last week of the sem.. and this last week, is my TM week. just dont ask me coz i wont tell. haha.. well, i feel so tired and at the same tym addcited. but this friday does't mark this TM week complete. hay.. buhay. tsk. sayanag.

and next week i dont know. maybe i'll spend it to someone special. yes! like ensaymada. super sweet. hehe. talk about the biglang liko area again? well, i dont know. join him for some activities like studying. and some talking. shitty..

so going back to the topic. yep! i'm addcited. i cant tell where. maybe its the effect of coffee. talga palang kaaddict no? i just felt my eyes popping out. buhay na naman ang dugo ko.. wait, makikipaghabulan pa ko sa camera sa studio pic namin.

shit! i hate picture taking.. well, ayoko talaga ng studio pic.
take me a picture pag sabog na ko.. feel ko yung ganun..

kwento na lang ako. what happened this past week..kaadict pala ang
meeting some people..
barkada and other acquaintances.
talk with jp he's still sweet though busy, get some mushy ideas from him hehe..,
phone talks from IMPORTANT PEOPLE - midnight countdown. abutan ng umaga.
gawwd! feeling busy (yes of chores!),
eat some calorie stuffed goodies. chocolates and coffes and donuts and fries.
i even noticed that carbon and nicotine smells good - another addiction kaso masakit sa ulo (still, that won't make me smoke),
responses to physical contact
bouncy bed.. although nakakawala ng rhythm at pacing.. mejo disturbing (pag natutulog)
talyer look na bahay.
rob at sta lu
TM week

hehe.. i am not bothered kahit may onting problema sa mga pangyaayri.. i am busy but at the same tym manage to be a sociable person.. SOCIABLE.
this TM week is just so fuckin kewl.. kahit kulang sa tulog, nakabuhay pa rin ng dugo.

"i feel my [fresh] blood rushing from her veins" - van helsing

*oo nga pala, my new story na ako.. maybe this tym it would be better that my lil miss gullible and mr. nice guy.. abangan niyo na lang!