happy house
nothing beats a sem starter. doing it the mona way!

ENTHUSIASM IN QUESTION

my first day hit a piece of my brain a while ago with a question that i forced myself to think over... and over...

am i still enthusiastic and as determined to pursue a medicine career?

i may seem to be a conformist. but after almost 4 years, i'm almost completely spaced out from what my initial plans are. if before i'm proud to tell everyone that i'd be pursuing my medicine studies, im shrinking myself to a couch head and trying to think it over. im now opting for a year off after grad and decide. or maybe to be like a bummer and wait for graces.
is it that im just fixated from my childhood dreams of being clad in white and operating a thousand carcasses? or i just love the morbidity of being in service of others??

err.. my public service inclination is still a big question mark.

three some
plain. clean. fun.
*

IT IS THINSPIRING NO MORE

i'm grateful to have a handful of friends who are in silent mumbling for the past few days when my thinspiring photo at frinedster was publicized. even if i look like my last muscle was already been converted for glycoligenic consumption, rest assured that im in tight shape--- i still have my bones for a frame and my skins are up for a good cover.

so far, my "fitness" is being put to stress by flu and head ache of all sorts. i only ate a chicken the night before then the next day i found myself unable to stand and walk for movement sake.
the last thing i know, my tongue grew out to be a bittergourd, and has spared me to eat for two consecutive meals. please, no more finger pointing if you think i look a lot lot worse.

intoxicated
yes, at you. ur last kiss left me all purple.

yet, im asking for more.
blow me up. a big bubble.
let me pop

dysfunx tagboard

pls send your messages thru email instead. this hassle will still take at most 2 months.. thanks

switchfoot


it was a cruel way to start the month with some forgetfulness. especially, if you are expecting something that would remind you that your'e special....
but as surprises and gifts are naturally "unexpected", i think it would rather be better to relieve oneself of anticipations- i'm getting all focused on my peripheries,that i almost bumped myself on the wall. afterall, it must be the front that must be bothered about the most.

18 more days.. before i'll finally switch back to peripheries. this time no more guilts.

who steers the wheel

i would like to think of our case a split brained one. and if only a chimeric figures test is possible, i will be the very first to confirm that my side is not the dominating one.

but i am very much willing to adjust the floors. just give me all the time and patience you have, if still, there are.

clueless

after i have spent-slash passed the time with.....

i ended up drenched in sweat and rain
even got a sore foot

the worst, it wasn't appreciated.

snapshots @ the game
pix courtesy of mona


dyan,mona and moi

with boom boy
sana UP din
with mona the koreana

kudos to san beda

before anything else, pls scrap in mind what i have posted for the past weeks. all is well (again).

anyhoo, i was out with bry and some bedan friends. naki school spirit ako sa iba. haha...
although i dont like red as a school color, it looks better on bedans. (sa bedans lang). the game was a tight one in the last seconds of the final quarter after aljamal managed to rebound the ball and kept stuck on it for even a few seconds. and so, madrama ang finale, since it was only a 1 pt lead. buti na lang at may kapit ang kamay ni aljamal! (like ko na siya, and also the one who fired a 3 point shot na almost half court ang layo--- shempre, i love bry better).

*i'm looking forward to the ateneo-uste game.
and since, ayaw ko sa uste,
GO ATENEO!!!

simple analogy

if you're life's a bitch, and iam your "life"
then
i am your bitch.

yes, im a bitch.

GINUMAN!! 5 SHOTS FOR PURP

sorry

words are not enough to express how painful it is to let go. in fact, as i'm writing this whole thing, i can't help but take deep sighs to release the tension building up inside. i know that iam not the perfect person for you,
and yet i keep on trying countless number of times to show you how much am i willing to give. but it seems like it doesn't make you any happier. i thought that you could be the person to understand since you have traced me entirely from the very start.probably you were right most of the time. you have a number of points to raise for my lack of inconsiderations. but isnt it just fair to broaden your horizons and give me a fair share of your understanding? or i just couldnt make up for the demands and have touched the last nerve of your patience. whatever the case is, i have fought my whole life on this, i have adjusted, even tightened up to the last hole of my belt. but that doesn't mean that i have perfected myself that there is no room left enough for flaws. and for this last moment that we've been together, this shallow imperfection has led me to a realization that for such a long time i kept on suppressing. i can no longer tolerate the discipline im putting myself into. i have drained my resources and can't afford to invest the remaining percent i have left. sorry.

one day

.... when i get used to things, everything would just all be gone.
promise

the hell with monday-holiday drizzles

blame the mothball fumes for making me sick since thursday. i was busy digging in salvation army's refuse of clothes and bags that i wasn't able to notice that i have inhaled air borne protists and other micro specimens. the next day, was unfortunate as well to even get my fingers in deep trouble. think about fuming sulfuric acid + tollen's reagent. woohoo.. double double whammy. swear, it left a chocolatey rich mark with stings to match. pakshet. there was no actual first aid, since i discovered it at home already and my mom insisted on putting petroleum jelly all over, i on the other hand would like to try on acetone to erase the mess. but she won't let me- fearing about the possible reaction of another chemical would blow my fingers away (read: ignition-reaction theory of matter).

fast forwarded, saturdays and sundays didnt do well. the shearing pain in my throat and my runny nose set me early to bed for 2 straight nights. and my medications/ fruit juices/ lozenges won't do me any good. except that it facilitates disruption of circadian cycles and inhibits activation of my reticular system. in short, my anticipation of a hassle free monday holiday is nothing but jammed traffics on books and handouts. spare me from the "headaches". well, i hope.

sojourns and hormonal spurts

Spilling the beans just to free myself from impediments would entirely be a no win case as it would complicate matters. However, I opt to do so for no apparent reason. Probably, my tongue’s sting is too much to handle than the notoriety of becoming the next walking headline to be talked over a cup of coffee. The past few weeks were completely occupied by frequent toilet trips, vertigo experiences, number counting- yes, forwards and backwards (checking on the double if I got my computations right, whether I have landed on the wrong date or on the not so wrong dates) and hoarding every drop of possible justification for my crisis.
What if the answers lie in those morsels of white stuck bwn my digits? Or could it be that divine intervention blastula implantation achievable?

tête-à-tête to banter

For somebody, very much interested in the mechanism of a concerted conversation, one thing keeps popping out of my head: is it a necessity to drag a "wage war movement"
whenever there is a rotting existence of silence? OR to induce spontaneity, brings along a pseudo topic that you can call an argument just to break the muted gap?
I really would like to appreciate the effort of your call, but on every occasion I RESPOND ACCORDINGLY on it, you always respond as if I am wide of the mark. Besides, if I am to defend myself, would just pile up my cons as a partner- since we never did have the same wavelength (and if ever, is a rare case). The question of why's and how's of my temperament is not the remedy to make me cognizant of my flaws. Yes, I do so admit. That to be able to stretch the dawning conclusion of this understanding, you talk of you becoming a martyr as if that is the only medication left for the recurring cancer of our conversations. At the same time, you keep on pointing me a finger that it's me who's keeping this mess up.
Finishing off the discourse early is not a negative means of prolonging this fight. But apparently, you have superimposed yet another meaning for my untimely resignment. The following day, that I felt at least ok, you slap me once again- as if I've done it all again. What do you want me to do? I have just tried all the possibilities.
Plus factor: I so thought you are to go out for errands, how come it's not the way things turned out today. As if it's a big deal to ask what your errand is that you're hiding it like a surreptitious act. And what a sudden plan of going out with family? I so thought your Saturdays are free.

when poverty strikes

its hard to imagine how. as soon as everything had fallen into place, the majority took their initial reactions as if we-will-be-on-this-till the-end. later in the day, you came to see them at ogle pointe blank; and for an act of concern, you suggest that a white flag is a must. its not enough that motivation is fired only by hopes and prayers. a 20-80 probability on the cons side is as much as necessary for a gamble.

i understand how exasperating it is. but nobody can fight an invisible/ perennial foe.

closet gays

isang uboderang sinungaling

may katulong kami na ang pangalan ay "beng" at sa di malamang dahilan, hindi namin mabuo ang kanyang totoong pangalan. kung di lang dahil sa papel de agencia na nakita sa drawer niya matapos siyang lumayas/ pinalayas, malamang she will be remembered as the certain "beng" as mom would have put it.

its a june 12 when she marked our calendars- immediate goodbye; na ginawan niya ng isang malakomedyang exit/ maladrama sa parte niya (maaksyon pa nga). a fight na almost "killing spree" na ang datign kung di pa naawat, sent her back home. and during the discussion "beng" told dad na kinakanti daw siya ng isang tibo (def.: inaasar). and this time it rose her temper. what started the fight was when this tomboy aka marlin, suddenly rushed for her inside the house. which she explained why she hurried home and look for some sort of weapon (read: pangsafeguard).
its mostly a verbal fight, in "beng's" part- panakot lang naman ang jack sa kamay at puro mura ang ginawa. marlin, on the other hand went out after she realized na pwede siyang makasuhan ng trespassing.
dad tried to pacify "beng's" anger for an hour and a half. at ang makapal na mukhang katulong, napaka OA na talga that she even kicked the car every time she felt that it would be the best moment to match with her cries. pinauwi siya ng crame asap, sabi ni tito, mainit na dugo ng kapitbahay sa kanya. kinailangan ng baranggay tanod para makumbinsi na umuwi na. at katulad ni mcarthur, she uttered: "babalikan ko siya..." - mga huling salita bago sumibat.

what made her the uboderang sinungaling?
- the fight between her and the tomboy ay dahil sa nabuking siya (bilang katulong) ng nagpakilala siya sa isang girl sa tapat ng bahay namin na may-ari ng bahay namin.... (kapal)
- when we're out of town, she once told some neighbors that she was dad's cousin.
- at ang pakilala niya sa counter boy sa mercury: nagwowork daw siya sa call center. (yan talga ang panalo- mukha pa lang di na papasa)
* im not judgemental, nor superficial. but she's just too much. aside from the fact that she's so comfortable inside the house she even tries to meddle in family affairs; had asked my brothers to work in the dishes whenever dad's away; and was always out- para dumaldal.

that's where my mom's pay for her go.

sana di bigo

iam a senior psych student with plans of going med. but as of the present moment a medicine dream seems to be shifting away from the way things are turning out: a mediocre mark from compara anat, mama leaving, and plus plus debits (this is where the privys come in).
for a parent under tights, will he be willing to pay a little over a million, wait for another half a decade just to see his daughter gleaming and getting ready for her 1st operation?

that i think won't do. (hoping that my hopes wont fall)

a month's hardwork, only equals a seat of mediocrity. and even if i have plucked and burned my eyebrows, its the only seat available. i always wonder how come those night stretches didn't span my success mark. and when will my efforts reach the fullest of the fullest?

summer really is a suspense thriller.

calle katorse

UNION

two in between eight equals equals equals
is multiplied by
parenthesis parenthesis parenthesis one (and only one) parenthesis parenthesis
parenthesis
means a bundle of challenges, joy and naught.

mathematically wrong but practically right.

slumber
recently, was out to study. ended up as a sober. totally wasted that is.
just another night of excuses.

*whoever played my camera was a total jerk.

badly needing a hug

and so you thought you're lucky you got a brain;
for 2 straight days of continuously memorizing the muscles, you see hope for a final exam exemption. you keep doin the rituals to keep you standing firm. and yet when the time has arrived, and you have called the gods, it did no good. that brain you've been relying with has totally failed.

and even if you have shifted to a different chapter of body system, you still cant move on. absent mindedly tearing that greater omassum to pieces and breaking the cat's jaws doesnt satisfy you to the bone. how come?

still keeping fingers crossed for exam results tomorrow.

how can you possibly write about a person you've loved for almost a year and a half? i can always say that he's one of the greatest person that has come in. i always ask if he's a product of time or just got my luck?i can also bombard the screen with cliched adjectives like he's the most loving, caring, generous, patient - anything that'd make him sound like the perfect boyfriend - and still accomplish nothing except maybe for sounding like a friendster testimonial gone horribly wrong. how can you possibly write about a person whose smallest, most insignificant details - like how he has got his scar on his chin, or how he throws jabs when angry or how his jaw drops when he sleeps - fascinate the life out of you? seriously, with only a thousand letters, how can you write about such a person? i honestly do not know.

its probably time whose gonna fill these all up.

shadow

past the crevices
and nearing the looming emptiness
never looking back
heart running faster than
your limbs do

pay a million times grand
for your life's insurance
a twin for your reserve-
with matching imprints
from thumb to basic strings

finite to infinity
where everything is
programable
back to zero

all attempts
doesnt pay
think you have outsmarted death?

fantasy. fallacy

narcissus

the summer solstice tragedy: when narcissus dipped into the water and has coveted thine self, selfish thinking has led to his end

how suicidal.

yet his flowers bloom. for millions grace his tragedy stripping naked, plus the drools and sweat. drag theirsselves into the waters and love its reflection.

such is the beauty.

@migs
yup there is.. (i think). but not in the sort of "on the rocks".

to avoid boat "rockin" its a 2 week rest.
god has rested on the 7th day, maybe ours need one too.

and migs- sobrang magiging busy talga ako for the next couple of weeks.
pwede na bang excuse yun?

nasty

there will always be pepo-le perv roundin the corner
with a click of the shutter, you might lose that privacy of yours
and theirs, a thousand gains

makeitclear

if life is a piece of boredom
then........shit- pee, shit- pee
round as
circle it goes

cut loops of and press brakes
or

try centrifuge- see the layers
afterall

its not always shit and pee

Ha? ako ba to?
i dont think so
--------------------------------------------------------------------

You scored as Mathematics. You should be a Math major! Like Pythagoras, you are analytical, rational, and when are always ready to tackle the problem head-on! Mathematics 92% English 92% Biology 92% Linguistics 75% Engineering 75% Philosophy 75% Psychology 75% Theater 67% Journalism 58% Art 50% Sociology 50% Dance 42% Chemistry 42% Anthropology 33% What is your Perfect Major? (PLEASE RATE ME!!<3) created with QuizFarm.com

outline

early summer getaway at zambales. sun had painted my limbs red. now suffering from sunburns.




*photo from l-r: helicopter island, a shot at the beach, me and daniel

311

it doesn't matter if you haven;t visited the showers. the old smell of your socks plus plus pheromones will surely be a key to lock some one else's chemoreceptors. and even if you have made some drama to resist the upcoming dread of being boxed again, its always a haunt.
a 400+ -- fast forwarded, sensuous crap and i love you's.
everyones a high.
for even the good deed of yours sometimes pay. and whatever it is, the one thing that will matter is that the grease seeps deep. your blood follows in the morning.
a blessed sign (?)

wacky!!!

sunday has never been a laughtrip. rj went with me to church!!! whoohooo!!! very unlikely. some shots. :)

*but he never seem to notice*

crippled

a glimpse of the past is cycling in the present.
3 cups of diluted caffeine equals an afternoon of palpitations.
an internal time machine has shifted me to the past.
i felt his weak ego projections..

i already killed him. in my dreams....
sad love story

- end of story -

kalyo kalyong paa

unang beses ko lang maglakad paikot ng mendiola. prusisyon na di ako kabilang. pumapel lang ako at nakieksena. pumasok sa bakod ng iba, ngunit hindi naman trumespass- salamat sa maagap na paghawak sa aking kamay at pagbibigay sa akin ng entrance ticket.
ang paghawak rin na iyon ang nagdala at nagikot sa akin paikot ng kalsada.

isang matalinhagang kwento ang prusisyon sa mendiola noong linggo. isang daang dasal at higit pa ang inalay kay sto. nino. isang hatak sa palad.

2 mahigpit na hawak.

few sips are fine

the moment you let your finger go, its just a matter of time before your whole body'll follow. and looking at the hourglass you just set in, the time's already over. someone has already fed on you. its a helpless case.
but on the contrary, [i am loving the idea that somebody has fed on me]

*this doesn't mean danger right?*

mouthfuls

isnt it tempting to eat a gallon of ice cream after that hhhhoooottttt friday evening? i am damn burning. a stick to swath then go. geez..

black eye is just a piece of cake

with things all piled up, black eyes do come in handy:
1.) lets you have an unquestioned excuse
2.) sorrow could be that superficial
3.) paint the world with that color on

plus plus! you dont get that market value to sell that burnt out face.

"sometimes you'll come to that point of empty handedness. with your mind driftin asea. and your stuffing the air as if panting. without exactly any cause at all."

shedding tears

i'll miss 2616...
the corner, the stained sheets, the sunsets, the cafe.

if not for the spoiler, the happy story wont actually end this fast. wishing the worst for him.
yesterday, i went with bry to check another place. not an outsider friendly.

*sob*

chasing pain away

good thing that my tooth cooperated. the idea of a dentist must have eased the pain away. the only thng to mind about is if it would last for tomorrow, the day after tomorrow... till eternity.

*sigh* i hope so.
p.s. bry's a little sicky today. bad bad bad.

it doesnt get any better. my molar hurts soooo bad. my mom told me that if the swelling continues even with medication, i hafta go and let the dentist check me up. i got a dentist phobia when the dentist started to drill holes in my molar a couple of years ago. it was actually an unfinished business since after the "drilling" he told me to visit him the next week. funny cauise until now (2 years later), im still avoiding "the clinic".

going back, after my mom told me about seeing the dentist, i immediately crossed fingers and say my prayers. (this unlikely happens).
if only pain channelling happens, then probably, its now the computer who'll be shitting the pain away.

gums

i got pain pangs 3 days ago near my parotid. at first it was tolerable but then after 2 days, it sorta grow into a humongous pain. and i ended sitting muted. im helpless as my right jaw grows bigger and bigger.

the swelling of my gum was the culprit.

my dormant wisdom tooth is again active. my jaws are painful. and i could only open my mouth 2 fingers wide. when eating, i have to stuff food in. geez.
i already popped a couple of pain relievers tonite.
still no good.

it is only when you peek, that you see the reflection of the one who's behind it all.

crumbs

when you have reached that point of seeing the entirety, a wisp of conclusion pops out of your head. a moment of silence. truth will whisper. and you'll end up to that pot accidentally. come to think of it, that naive head you've been hating has done you a glorious favor.

for some iincident, you end up laughing. while the other, is struck cluelessly.

tinkerbell

the slapping wind on her face
reminds her past
23 floors above

she likes playing little miss tinker bell
and for every leap, is another neverland and peter pan

and what remains of her:
a broken dustwand and
ashen butterfly wings

as she ogle at blankness...

a push from behind

made her bow. face flat

de' plea--t

18 wasnt the ripe time for me to be legal and so is 19. even if i have proven this to dad so many times, he is still deaf- wont even allow me to at least explore what is beyond.
the 19 years of my life has made me an experienced athlete of my race.

and though im impossible to almost everything, im trying the best. still hoping for your optimism regarding this matter. (with fingers crossed)

ps: im looking forward to this place with "no boundaries". where butterfly wings can make us fly higher than the sky.

psychsoc christmas party

hehe.. late na naman ako. got my first free time to at least upload some pics of psych soc's christmas party.
boy oh boy.. chrsitmas break starts.


which then reminds me, that i miss the old boys. particularly FABS!!!!!

tattooed
got so brain freezed. i did no good in my bio lab exam. and my throat hurts like a mother. good thing i got some mint to smell on. cold months like this leaves me all wet and slow. 2616 is a sure fire. just had a tattoo embedded on my chest. well not exactly the chest... looks more like a bruise than an art.

tattoo artist gone mad.
mark a dimple in thine chin.

tapered mouth

i never had the chance to at least take a peak and see the greenery of my canvas. enough if i'll say that ive been busy picking up pieces and slicing tadpoles. iam done with the usual recitation of structures starting from the prosencephalon to the anus.

which then gives me. not a break but a flu.

sepia

sight of spilled coffee.
mixture of solemn hues- of gray, brown and black
the color of a tired eye
weary color of a tired vintage fan
monroe and jfk; monroe's classic mole

the casket. the scare. a picture forgotten.
a lost life. a memory. a dimly lit room. shadows. mournings.
an unwritten parchment.
le photographie

for the love of sepia.

austerity

with juan still survivng against the jungial wave of poverty--his belt set on the 9th (the last) hole and his blanket a little less than an incubtor of warmth for his curling body. the minimalist, i guess, would just be another prophet for all of us to take the initiative to mark all our wallets and eat instant noodles. for some, the noodles still mean a fiesta, and instead eat a peso worth of crackers matched with a cup of rice. beggars by then may leave their street posts and flock wishing wells to reap coins endowed with hopes. hopes that would mean a thousand comet ages ere it happens. and the heads of offices i bet, will again come to compromise for another budget proposal with its credits pouring in their pockets. the last thing i know, a splurge for their necessitites cum luxuries.

masama lang talga ang loob ko sa crs. kahit yung nasa department walang magwa tungkol dito. tsk tsk.

maister

whoever keeps the babies alive. and whatever knot has been posted on the head. i do so understand that marital- premarital problems are all rooted under one mushroom. the ballooning population has forgotten charms of baby making. it is actually an evidence.

one thing i realized, better ready that imodium pills for a nice getaway.
that's a hairline close.
worry not on that slinky pet. a good rub will do.

may i just remind: to throw away excess alcohol before doing a good act.

payoff

it could be a nice massage, a tap in the back. but the best thing about getting a payoff, is visiting that crampy tub and have yourself a nice shower and little rides.. err, imagination. nevertheless, that one is considered a cheap thrill, or a ride of your life after a long day. no need to fan the bills and splurge. no need to hate that boy crazed in early birthday parties with all flowing beer and cheeses after every camera flashes.

iron that forehead as we get 5 M's counting since summer said goodbye.

multiply 13

leafing through pages of childhood, bittersweet memories of candies, and bubblegums, of writing in cursives and multiplication tables

dad with his angry gesture of counting, no fingers please.
only heads. brain cells counting in ones then hundreds and thousands; fingers were hiding as children tried to multiply 7 by 2

and when daddy sees... a thirteen is bore in the head
a slap in the butt, and a teardrop

give me 13 by 5--- i'll raise that to 65!
cheers.. asses out. AMEn

purple cockroach

there's nothing more to say with the homos. theyre a bunch of flying cockroaches that have pentrated the whole stretch of the blue green universe; have longer buttcracks and wider butt holes; do most of our hair edges and give us quality green jokes; talk to them for hours and find out who's the next victim of their lips asmeared in pink.

a survivor of their own cause. a mascot, brought by taboo, theyre funny oompah loompahs jumping up and down-

let somebody answer: how could you possibly put in all the tendencies of being a fe/male under just a purple raincoat... and again, how about hiding the weak tendencies if your to walk with a dangling red purse?


turn left, then right, head on till morning.. im looking forward for the sun faced baby to show up in between the hills.let him teach me how to lie on my back and laugh. make me talk like im reading a children storybook.

if ill have the chance to sneak this friday night for a must go party.. then all is well, got high doses of morale before i leave for culmi and drain it all the next day...

must do the "escapo" plans.. must also do the teletubby costume... must also finish the 115 paper...

i guess, i wanna play a sick fuck before i start to plan my vacation ahead.
my bday's not gonna come... i hate bday cakes and balloons... ill only remember that tragic shit last year..

for those hu wanna take a peek, the link is there. october--- pandora's box.

----------------------------------------------------------
im in a dilemma... whether to go or not to go med..
im sick... and alienated. i'd have enough frog corpses...

if fate says yes, then ill go and count some more bodies to open. animals or not.

fabs miss na kita

sabi ni hannah miss mo na daw ako?? talga? hehe... oo nga. sabi ni ate pag kagraduate daw niya papakasal na siya.. pinapaalala ko lang na just incase wla kang mahanap, yung usapan natin dati. tayo ang magpapakasal sa ayaw at sa gusto mo at sa gusto ko..

hehe...
bagong word: mwahness?

twoots

"twoot" and off the fart go. the smell of pressure, the smell of fear. well, probably another smell of a man unease. funny. little miss me, as i was in my kinder years have stopped my 123's and my abc's- came to hate that smell..

i smell fart. and someone would pretend and laugh. doubted to be
laughing gas. and for someone who just farted will be the next
laughing stock. haha. funny.

and for the nectared scent who claims to come clean off his ass. and will found out later that his undies are messed with the u know
thing..

oh, just remembered that somtimes humans tend to be the orangest thing they could get. pretending to be sweet yet sour.

tnx for the orangeclock. smells like fart i shant say. dont worry. that secret i wont tell. hu wud care to laugh by the way? skunky you!

DAS EXPERIMENT:TALAS SA PATALASTAS

september 16: tapos na
september 3rd week: abangan na lang baka magpost kami
september 27: 830-1 phan 307 a

note that all walk ins are pwede but not guaranteed. priority ang mga nag sign up. pero if di sila sumipot, then all is well hehe.

s hope
if this means for me to pay.. then again, ill allow myself to pull of some cash from my trust wallet and again see the changes. i have given this twice wrinkled in red. and some, just a pass by. for some unknown reason, there isnt any underlying attempts to cover up what has been mudpiled with. n times misinterpreted and what is given as a gift, ill later found with flies under the sewers. left to rot. and I...

have been oblivious to it all.

coz.. hard for me it is to avoid. i'm again one of the foolish hopefuls that will venture into another pseudo adventure. and just as i had stepped in the counter line, i again will empty my wallet and thrashed out the remaining pieces left. almost empty.
for that matter, allow me to pull off my ears and burn my eyes. i am again nothing. with nothing to sense with.
let me see the changes. and if not, better to have my antennas out. a relief that i wont see that red matter dumped sumwhere. or hear sighs and sympathies. ive got nothing more to trust. it'll take another more sunrises before i could raise bundles to put in my leather. and again to exchange with something not so really invaluable.

WHOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! BOOK 6 DOWN

it does look like im exaggerating on dumbledores death on rowling's sixth book... i never thought that i'll cry at his murder. too bad.
i pity harry.

and hogwarts.. i guess the next harry potter book wont start with harry getiing to excited to go back to school. this childrens book will be much darker i bet.

ATLAS
atlas has been carrying the world...
now i carry him for my next set of frog morphology to memorize.

tama bang sagot na spider shaped ang motor cells?? i mean tama bang ganun ang description or inaccurate yun?

atlas is not giving answers. spoon feeding.

funny, im looking at his green thin book..
about frogs?? hu cares anyway. im done with my lab work and im off to bed. whew!

PAGKILOS

tinuldukan ng pagsulyap ng buwan ang umaga
rumaragasang gumulong sa mga palad ang mga barya
at muling binawain ng saplot ang pangangatawan
naghumindik ang haria
t tuluyang pinasok ang hiwa sa pagitan ng mga hita

malapit na! MALAPIT NA!

nagbiyahe ang pangalawang kamay sa mga numero
Heto na!at tuluyang bumaba ang mga anghel mula sa langit
namilog ang dugo sa loob ng sinapunan nagimbal ang mamang nagtitinda ng lumpia
at dali daling lumapag ang dala dalang bilao sa semento
umihip ang hangin at kumarera sa pagtibok ang puso at pulso

may buhay! may sanggol sa basura

nadagdagang ang dumudura ng laway sa lansangan
ang dating bata,tuluyang naging binata
ang dating inosente
binihisan ng kalye
humagibis ang buhay kasabay ng paghagibis ng metakl;
lumipad ang matatayog na pangarap sa kalawakan
lumangoy ang limpak limpak na salapi
sa karagatan at
lumapat ang pinaghalu halong laway
sa mga lansangan

nakakstress

may exam pa ko sa math and 115. panu na kaya yun na makakausap at malalakad ko na ang venue ng rummage sale ng org namen?
nakakstress pala talga ang rummage. sana lang malaki kitain ng org namin..

suzie at ako ang projects heads kapal talga ng mukha ko makisali. ayan nahirapan pa... ok lang.
gudluck sa tin suzie!
go fincom!

stucked

so... tired yet my mind sends fritters of signals for my hand to type nothng.. i dont have anything in mind to talk about. a blank and nothingness... my eyes are glued on this monitor with flashing lights and my heads in circles...

my hairs moist with sweat trickling down my nape...
beside me are piles of books waiting to be read.
my papers are flying; some are scattered on the floor

some people need a rest in peace..
i wsh angels would give me a drink of tranquilizer. i wanna close my eyes and shut myself entirely...

----blank mind works slow----

sigh

long weya to go:
still have a bio lab exam
a math 100 exam
a takehome test in 150
a 115 exam
a revised rrl
a reaction paper

ughh.. im tired. i need massage.

i hafta attnd org stops: buddy date. do the usual tambay hours with buddies.
tnx bry for the company... haha. as always. i know your doors up to the 26th and its wide open. yahooo!!

damn so tired. bed bed bed

single is happy

and so i thought that being alone is impossible for me..
i saw him again. were supposed to be the best buddies that he promised us to be after the incident.. unfortunately, i know that promises are meant to be broken. as i have anticipated, it never came... yea, i did saw him and my hand acknowldege him.. i was with a friend discussing a difficult math problem. and i saw in my peripherals that he glanced back... i know he will. im done with myself on my knees.. ewww.
so far, im flying high with my superfriend.. he's by far the closest in my bubble.. happy.. not rushing on things.
"emotion is fleeting"-- a note always posted at the back of my head... and so i know
happy to be single...

tapos na ang rrl ko, panalo ulit ang up at 2-0 na siya! mahusay. mukhang friends na kami ni kitkat dahil sa problema niya kay eric! gusto ko tuloy magparequest ng buddy.
haha...

mukhang pahinga ang weekend ko.

scruppling over pages and pages... tired eyes... a filled up mind.. a floating brain swimming with infos and toxicities... i miss bed. i miss sleeping.
i thought journals will be over. but after submitting my 7 page rrl, my prof. toold me that it was too short to be a review. so she gave the whole class another extension --- friday. omg... how am ii suppose to focs on other subjects if this class gives me loads of stuff to do...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
theres still my math hanging in the air-- my exam was a rush.. i was late. and my teacher almost threw his butts off after i told him that i was rescheduling myself to exam in another batch whcich is only for those in conflict. and i, being late, must deal with the consequences . but no can do... he pitied me for being so dumb and disorieted. allowed me to take my exams.. haha.. and im proud that i finished first in class. an hour and a quarter. really fast for a math.
as of now... still struggling for my 115.. my eyes are pretty heavy and i dreamt of sleeping.. books sometimes serve as pillows for the head. ughhh.. i hate journals. i hate write ups..

let friday come fast.. i wish this over.

masamang balita

dextro scolio ang tawag sa sakit ko ngayon. its a mild scolio caused by improoper posture... and now, that i have been diagnosed with such a case, i'm still thinking as to why it had my back. would i be crippling?? haha.. or im just exaggerating so much on this...
i just hate s-shaped backs. now that it hit me...
i hate myself.

sorry. just a health buff.. health freak..
swimming daw ang katapat.

slip in pink

a- gent dressed in hot P
skirt with frills,
a bag that glitts
his hair in a P wig..

underneath, was a sleeping bud
and bushy slabs...
uh oh.

taught he was a she. until
i found out
he was hot in those PEes...
haha..

head, books, nigthinngales

after a month of school, i felt tired. having frequent headaches and blurring vision. i lost my glasses and have no plans of buying another one. i always read with my magnifying lenses though.. how stoopid.
i got no more free days to while myself in malls. but only freedays to scrupple on my books. or, sit myself in the library for hours doin exercises that callouses my fingers and leave my hand trembling. then my hand would dissociate and join its pain leaving me numb of it....

but that doesnt matter. i still spill ink and do cursives.. they serve me importance. now. and probably in my future.. they're my fallback.
notes come in handy...
mines not neat.

with regards to my book, i'm tearing them page by poage now. absorbing infos... data overload.. now i know why my head hurts...
its the nightinggale screaming at the back of my head..

2000 decibels?? ddear i,m deaf
but no can do... he loves screaming at me...

for the man who pains... so do i.

a thousand slaps, a bruised back...
salined eyes... and a beating
heart..

months have passed since i gave
the burden for you to carry.. i
know the past months have been
to weary for you to keep on. but
still you held your calloused
hands on mine...

what's the pain if it would
release immeasurable butterflies
and rainbows if red arched lips would be the
only answer in every questions
yet to be answered...

what is pain if there is love... a
lot of it..

you have believeth.. though
blinded.
yet, faith has lead you.
i know..time will let me nderstand...

still trying.

as for yourthousand slaps, a bruised back...
salined eyes... and a beating
heart..
i'm really sorry.. i really do

KONEKSIYON

Malamig
----may makapal na ulap sa kaibuturan ng laman, maliliit na karayom na nananatiling nakatusok sa balat--- hindi ginabayan ng tsinung mahusay sa acupuncture
----tumatagos hanggang kalamnan

malalim
----ang lawak ng dagat Pasipiko malabong marating kahti habambuhay sisirin
----ang bangin na pinagdiskargahan ng tren at sino man ang magtangkang tumahak ay mababalot ng ‘di inaasahang kaba at mabilis na pintig ng puso
----sukat ng balong kinahulugan ng baryang kinasasakyan ng hiling ni Nene

sugat
---- sa paglipas ng mga araw, iitim ang kulay at ang hapdi na sa una’y damang dama, ay matutuyo at malilimutan
---- ngunit kung itoy isang nakakubliing patalim na nakaturok sa kailaliman ng buto ng panahon- walang pag asang maghilom

kalungkutan
---- bangkay na nakararamdam ng kanyang pagkakahimlay sa madilim na higaan
----nagdudulot ng pagtulo ng luha at taong inalipusta at pinili nilublob ang mukha at inapakan
----hindi nakikita ng mga taong dumaraan; simpatya ng matino sa osiptal ng mga hibang
----panaka-nakang hihiling na matapos na ang buhay na kinaiingitan ng mga maligning gala

pag-iisa
---- resulta ng mga pinagsama samang salita
---- halo halong ideya sa bawat talata

i said goodbye to my old computer and welcomed the new one with flying pices of paper everywhere and dusty desktop for her to sit on...
i missed typing and downloading dirrrrrrrrrrty stuffs

and now i'm back. although not that long....
i've got a chunky breakdown in my 17 unit semester
5-5-4-3

so, gudluck to me...
and oh... to my new comp as well... he'll serve me for the rest of my papers

and drink caffeine and share my secrets...
my old comp took my arts..

as for now, i dnt have the urge to re type
START OF THE SHOW
again..

pamamaalam sa summer

at natapos ko na ang 20 page paper ko, 68 porsiyento sa natsci 1 (ampanget), at isang 38 percent na exam 30 minutes from now???
wala pa kong tulog..

kape lang sa umaga

Summah sa Kick off!

ngayon lang ako nakapag post for some kick off pics... ehem... saya. :)
di ako nangitim...
and, matagal na pala eto, last may 8 pa.

mukhang magiging malaki ang pikchur paraa sa blog... matitiwang wang muna ang picure namin ni ate...

trese

with my pink stretchy top and pink slippers, i'm on my way to school. to attend my summer and get myself laid with a bottle of c2 and swimming brain cells.

swimming brain cells. and a stimulation of my pleasure center.

a trese. nice to know the date. i got myself tired of planning to rode him around the metro. and deliver chains of cues and i do's that would lead him 1 step closer to the eternity. haha...
good that i got tired.

if not for those pink wardrobes i wore.. i won't remember to pay my respects.
a trese...
i was taken away.

i know he wont say a thing.. so do i. ryt?
prefers to be low profile i should say. i love it.
cool.

past dillema

its been almost a year. 8 months to be exact when i weighed on my past dillema. ofwhether to love again or not. to end my mourining and accept this foolishness. and to believe that my infatuation is a dream come true.
or to choose another better (well i thought that he really was). but instead met up with a crash and fall. of which i didnt cry.
tsk fate... fate...
who am i to mock such a pseudo god. a so called divine interferer.

and now, he called again. if i still hold on to what i promised that i will wait for his call, maybe now, i've been to the stars because of the elating feeling after a long wait. but i chose to be happier to leave the post just like in my past. and his call did no effect even a single hair stand.

foolish past... it was a rotting experience.
how his image studded with sugar crystals turned into a horror poster hanging in my wall. stuck inside my brain.
he is my screaming prince and i am the sleeping princess.

ive got my ear plugs stucked in my ears.. cant hear him..

for the not so addict

there's a post inviting those people hu whsih to experience some ultimate heart to heart talk about improving their blogs stuffs....
well just in case your interested.
posted at the famous as walk.

who the hell cares.

at kaano ano ko ba yung pokpok sa kanto

kapatid ko siya simula pa lang
nung asa sinapupunan pa kami
ni dakilang ina

humiwalay para galugarin ang
sinasabi niyang mundo

sa likod ng mga naglalagkitang
katawan..
at mga nagtitigasang...

ewan

at ngayon, may isng sit sit sa kin
mula sa likod..
magtatanong kung nasan na ang pokpok
na nagtatago samay likod ng poste
ng bahay namin

aakalain ba naman na ako yun.
isa pang sit sit jan...
tawag ng laman. tawag ng ahas

some posero stuff

got some "cool" kuno class mate in my natsci class. shes dressed in a rainbow colored palda. matched with a black top. of course with her famous chucks as her foot gear...
where to sho0w girl... top it with some braided accessories from whoevers closet.
hahaa.. i really wanna laugh. but for some stupid girl, well i dont think it would be appropriate to address her with tons of laughter.

some mere consideration on her part... well that sows. does it?
btw, she did have colorful nail to match her palda. before i forget. and her notebok is a screaming che guevarra.
hehehee...

stealing some minutes

i'm on my way to fecth her

i gently placed my hand on my mother's neck. from there, would know how much my mother have gained. little fats have been storing its way up to its neck... i will miss my mom. i know this is an early goodbye for her that she would be leaving this july to attend to my lola and to attend my family's future abroad...

2 years would be that long. and i know my dad would just be an isolated old man during this tym. waiting for all of us to follow her. probably opening his daily bread and bible everyday. looking for the proper signs that would mark the end of the world. and wonder if our family will again be reunited

anyway, iafter i placed my hand around her neck, my mom twitched. funny to see how an old lady show some reflexes that i usually see for those tryingto do head jerking--- epilepsy maneuvers...
i would sped the rest of this two months spending my home bound with her...

ma.... internet muna ako..

i'm stealing a coupla minutes just trying to spill this. why?
dont ask me... its just weird to see my mom go...

she's the only groovy mama in the world.
my big bertha.