ENTHUSIASM IN QUESTION

my first day hit a piece of my brain a while ago with a question that i forced myself to think over... and over...

am i still enthusiastic and as determined to pursue a medicine career?

i may seem to be a conformist. but after almost 4 years, i'm almost completely spaced out from what my initial plans are. if before i'm proud to tell everyone that i'd be pursuing my medicine studies, im shrinking myself to a couch head and trying to think it over. im now opting for a year off after grad and decide. or maybe to be like a bummer and wait for graces.
is it that im just fixated from my childhood dreams of being clad in white and operating a thousand carcasses? or i just love the morbidity of being in service of others??

err.. my public service inclination is still a big question mark.