KONEKSIYON

Malamig
----may makapal na ulap sa kaibuturan ng laman, maliliit na karayom na nananatiling nakatusok sa balat--- hindi ginabayan ng tsinung mahusay sa acupuncture
----tumatagos hanggang kalamnan

malalim
----ang lawak ng dagat Pasipiko malabong marating kahti habambuhay sisirin
----ang bangin na pinagdiskargahan ng tren at sino man ang magtangkang tumahak ay mababalot ng ‘di inaasahang kaba at mabilis na pintig ng puso
----sukat ng balong kinahulugan ng baryang kinasasakyan ng hiling ni Nene

sugat
---- sa paglipas ng mga araw, iitim ang kulay at ang hapdi na sa una’y damang dama, ay matutuyo at malilimutan
---- ngunit kung itoy isang nakakubliing patalim na nakaturok sa kailaliman ng buto ng panahon- walang pag asang maghilom

kalungkutan
---- bangkay na nakararamdam ng kanyang pagkakahimlay sa madilim na higaan
----nagdudulot ng pagtulo ng luha at taong inalipusta at pinili nilublob ang mukha at inapakan
----hindi nakikita ng mga taong dumaraan; simpatya ng matino sa osiptal ng mga hibang
----panaka-nakang hihiling na matapos na ang buhay na kinaiingitan ng mga maligning gala

pag-iisa
---- resulta ng mga pinagsama samang salita
---- halo halong ideya sa bawat talata

i said goodbye to my old computer and welcomed the new one with flying pices of paper everywhere and dusty desktop for her to sit on...
i missed typing and downloading dirrrrrrrrrrty stuffs

and now i'm back. although not that long....
i've got a chunky breakdown in my 17 unit semester
5-5-4-3

so, gudluck to me...
and oh... to my new comp as well... he'll serve me for the rest of my papers

and drink caffeine and share my secrets...
my old comp took my arts..

as for now, i dnt have the urge to re type
START OF THE SHOW
again..

pamamaalam sa summer

at natapos ko na ang 20 page paper ko, 68 porsiyento sa natsci 1 (ampanget), at isang 38 percent na exam 30 minutes from now???
wala pa kong tulog..

kape lang sa umaga

Summah sa Kick off!

ngayon lang ako nakapag post for some kick off pics... ehem... saya. :)
di ako nangitim...
and, matagal na pala eto, last may 8 pa.

mukhang magiging malaki ang pikchur paraa sa blog... matitiwang wang muna ang picure namin ni ate...

trese

with my pink stretchy top and pink slippers, i'm on my way to school. to attend my summer and get myself laid with a bottle of c2 and swimming brain cells.

swimming brain cells. and a stimulation of my pleasure center.

a trese. nice to know the date. i got myself tired of planning to rode him around the metro. and deliver chains of cues and i do's that would lead him 1 step closer to the eternity. haha...
good that i got tired.

if not for those pink wardrobes i wore.. i won't remember to pay my respects.
a trese...
i was taken away.

i know he wont say a thing.. so do i. ryt?
prefers to be low profile i should say. i love it.
cool.

past dillema

its been almost a year. 8 months to be exact when i weighed on my past dillema. ofwhether to love again or not. to end my mourining and accept this foolishness. and to believe that my infatuation is a dream come true.
or to choose another better (well i thought that he really was). but instead met up with a crash and fall. of which i didnt cry.
tsk fate... fate...
who am i to mock such a pseudo god. a so called divine interferer.

and now, he called again. if i still hold on to what i promised that i will wait for his call, maybe now, i've been to the stars because of the elating feeling after a long wait. but i chose to be happier to leave the post just like in my past. and his call did no effect even a single hair stand.

foolish past... it was a rotting experience.
how his image studded with sugar crystals turned into a horror poster hanging in my wall. stuck inside my brain.
he is my screaming prince and i am the sleeping princess.

ive got my ear plugs stucked in my ears.. cant hear him..

for the not so addict

there's a post inviting those people hu whsih to experience some ultimate heart to heart talk about improving their blogs stuffs....
well just in case your interested.
posted at the famous as walk.

who the hell cares.

at kaano ano ko ba yung pokpok sa kanto

kapatid ko siya simula pa lang
nung asa sinapupunan pa kami
ni dakilang ina

humiwalay para galugarin ang
sinasabi niyang mundo

sa likod ng mga naglalagkitang
katawan..
at mga nagtitigasang...

ewan

at ngayon, may isng sit sit sa kin
mula sa likod..
magtatanong kung nasan na ang pokpok
na nagtatago samay likod ng poste
ng bahay namin

aakalain ba naman na ako yun.
isa pang sit sit jan...
tawag ng laman. tawag ng ahas

some posero stuff

got some "cool" kuno class mate in my natsci class. shes dressed in a rainbow colored palda. matched with a black top. of course with her famous chucks as her foot gear...
where to sho0w girl... top it with some braided accessories from whoevers closet.
hahaa.. i really wanna laugh. but for some stupid girl, well i dont think it would be appropriate to address her with tons of laughter.

some mere consideration on her part... well that sows. does it?
btw, she did have colorful nail to match her palda. before i forget. and her notebok is a screaming che guevarra.
hehehee...

stealing some minutes

i'm on my way to fecth her

i gently placed my hand on my mother's neck. from there, would know how much my mother have gained. little fats have been storing its way up to its neck... i will miss my mom. i know this is an early goodbye for her that she would be leaving this july to attend to my lola and to attend my family's future abroad...

2 years would be that long. and i know my dad would just be an isolated old man during this tym. waiting for all of us to follow her. probably opening his daily bread and bible everyday. looking for the proper signs that would mark the end of the world. and wonder if our family will again be reunited

anyway, iafter i placed my hand around her neck, my mom twitched. funny to see how an old lady show some reflexes that i usually see for those tryingto do head jerking--- epilepsy maneuvers...
i would sped the rest of this two months spending my home bound with her...

ma.... internet muna ako..

i'm stealing a coupla minutes just trying to spill this. why?
dont ask me... its just weird to see my mom go...

she's the only groovy mama in the world.
my big bertha.

dead brain cells and counting

in a years time, i have produced hundreds of brain trash and not so much of an important stuff, published for a good imaginary show that would tickle my palate (well, that's for my part)
yes, everyones got their own story to tell. probably, even the so called crying hours and the screaming dramas everyone did encounter. they may seem so pathetic but yet, all we need is just to look at them as if they a comic.

tryiong to laugh it all out, the present me--- now trying tyo rise from the embers of depression. i may have fooled people for my pretensions of contentment and happiness. everybody has their own way of defining it. mines a little more complicated in that matter. a fusion of two independt bodies would just lead to another chaos if forced together.
welll.... but at least, my make believe of pretenions has been so effective.. a reality covered with candies --- fanatsy.

this BOG- a home for my weird thoughts and dreams. with which i humbly present to the audience of virtuality, i've come to love more. i may not be leaving it entirely for every one of us. but at least, this makes a mark for us to move on. no, i will not and will never leave this. which as a matter of fact, i regarded so highly--- a treasure.
this has been my little neverland.

an indefinite leave. no spparent reason, whatsoever. its a foolishness to mark myself without really nothing behind it. i just needed a big break. because i've known my priorities and continue to build whatever dreams i had put in mind.
i just needed a break... a big one.
a rehabilitation for my slow brain. seems like it has reached his optimal learning. asymptote.... or i have reached the advance stage of the overlearning. and no more conncetions are being made. whatever.
indeed, i'm eaten up by a idled force. and i long again to write. with power. once again to move or twitch even just a single soul.
i've got the so called reinforced thinking because of thsi....
um...

yet, my reinforcer has long been gone....
this is my doom, but little by lttle, got the hang of it though.

----needing some stimulations -- could either be a shock or some conditioned neutral stimuli----

aprils fool

with avrils baby headbanging, i dont see why such people would flock to the concert area and give her a try...did simple plan stuck themselves up?
i guess they did. funny. nobody said a word after their visit?
or was it a visit? stoopid past time.

note: NOT an avid listener of music.. any genre.

tsk... o wel, just giving in to the demands of some old band felllas, dont have time to speak up?
well, at least i do.
got my computer crashed by the way...
fuck

the cleansing

i deserve some cleansing. like christ being nailed, i cramped myself
up. ready to face the travel in the living purgatorio. i know, i will
never meet the saints and other known people of the time. i have my own
route in this mountain. trudging alongside it, climbing up till my feet
touched the cold soil at the peak and kiss the clouds till my mouth
starts to damp.

its like kissing the godds.

the cold would seep in my lungs, breathe in me life. life without
warmth. alveolis gasping for air would explode and leabve red marks
inside my torso. my lips would turn pale and dead. my eyes would be
left staring blank.
this is my cleansing. to shut myself from the world. leaving me null
and devoid. no meaning. no self.
i am left to eat the dead man on the cross.
somehow, i have reached the golgotha.
ill bring to you the pain of my sufferings--chipped nails and a

bleeding heart.

after the splendor of going up, my time ends with a fall.
and my bones break, skull shattered, brain splattered.

toxic toxic

acads nayan.. gumagawa tuloy ako ng papel.. problemado na ko. hanggang next week pa to eh..

do i give a good feeling to a person who calls me up the first thing in the morning to ask me how's your day?? regardless of the dried saliva in his lips and an empty stomach?
even when i am not in the mood to talk but still he persist to enter my bubble and still keeps up with my not in the good mood to talk attitude??

i am still wodeering how such a person could bear the feeling of me being a day monster because of heavy toxics that fills my brain..
and oh, a cluster of acads that are hanging in the air waiting to be noticed.

god, iam smiling..

a story

isang kwento ng kaibigan
love story --- ako, disillusoined pa rin?? haha
(written from the girl's pov)

mag eendup ba ko sayo pare?mukha nga. pinangarap ko yan. sobra. kahit na alam kong may gusto kang iba at sobrang perv mo. tang inang kwento yan tungkol kay sarah. ibinalita mo sa kin na pupunta kang up para ibigay mo sa kin yung chocnut ko nung valentines tapos malaman laman ko lang na di pala yun totoo. na paasa lang pala.
o wel noel.
hindi mo pala talga plano na imit up ako. intro mo pala yun para makwento mo ung last gimick mo wid dis sara.

tang inang sara yan. bat mo minahal? eh mukha namang player eh. sa mga kwento mo sa kanya. alam mo na ngang may bf pero bakit ka pa rin pumapayag na magkita kayo. tapos sa kin mo ibubuhos ang paglilitanya mo sa kanya. nainis pa ko nung nagbigay ka pala ng roses at swiss chocolates dun nung valentines (kala ko chocnut).
hinuhuli mo lang talga ako. wel di ako pahuli.

kahit na nadulas ako ng sabihin ko na ok lang manligaw ngbabae. natawa ka pa nga eh. kasi parang may cue ka na. tinanong mo panga sa kin kung liligawan ba kita
sabi ko naman bat hindi kapag natripan kita... hehe.. obvious ba?

indirectly ko naman nasasabi sayo na talgang may gusto ako sayo eh. kahit na kapag magkausap tayo, sinasalpakan mo lang ako ng mga law books mo habang ako nakikinig ng mga corpo stuff from you. di na komashadong nagaaral para samahan ka lang hanggang mag umaga. kahit na gusto mo na kong patulugin.
kunsabagay, parehas tayong maliit. di na tayo lalaki PARE. matanda na tayo parehas.

at kapag gutom na ko, at nakukuwento ko sayo yun halos pagalitan mo pa ko para lang kumain ako. natuwa naman ako nung sinabi mo na kung walang pag kain sa min, dadayuhin mo patalga ang qc para lang ipatikim mo sa kin ang nilaga na specialty mo. kahit na galing ka pa sa may laguna.
"PARE hindi ka ok." sabi mo
"PARE ok lang ako" sabi ko
ok lang talga. khit gutumin na ko kakahintay lang na kausapin mo ko habang nagaaral ka. parang ilove you na rin ang mga section at article na binabasa mo. iniimagine ko na.

one time tinawagan mo ko, nasa party ka ng isang friend mo. umiinom ka na naman. akala ko ba magpapayat ka na? laki laki ng beer belly mo nag pa registerka pa sa fitnes first para lang iwork out mo yang tabs mo. tapos tatawag ka para magkwneto ng heart ache. sinisira mo naman yun mood ko. kung alam mo lang. feel ko na rin na saluhan ka para ako rin malsing tapos magsasalita na rin ako ng problema ko sayo.
dinayo pa kita sa motel para alalayan ka pag uwi. dinala ko pa isa kong friend para idrive ka pauwi. naiwan tuloy yung saskyan mo dun. nagalit ka pa sakin. kasi coding yun the next day atdi mo magagamit. at icocommute mo nalang ang sarili mo.
sorry ha.. tae ng mundo eh.
taeako sa tabi mo.parating lalabas pag kelangan lumabas. kahit na pigilan mo pa.

iniyakan mo pala yung sara nung gabi. kasi di ka na naman niya sinipot. gudbye to her kana sabi mo.
ang saya ko nun. hehe...parati na kita mkakasama. lalo na't parehas na tayong magququit sa paninigarilyo. parehas na tayo magpapayat. parehas na tayo palagi.

at nugn isang gabi naginvi ako sa ym. inaabangan kita. kaso mukhag wala ka dun. so last resort na ang mag status ng available. test na ito. sana andito ka...

BUZZ
shet nagbuzz ka. at invi ka. bago yun. tinanong kita kungbat ka invi. sabi mo para abangan si sara.
shet. nag invi para kay sara. parehas pala tayong stalker. ako sayo, ikaw kay sara. napak one way naman.
di man lang tayo nag mit. kala ko ba tapos ka na dun?

buti na lang walayung sara. kaso kahit na wala siya, ganun pa rin eh. pinagkaiba nga lang, eh tayo ang magkausap. pero si sara pa rin ang isue. gusto ko na salpakan ng libro yang bunganga mo bakla ka na talga sa babaeng yun.

bigla mo pang tinype na lulutuan mo ko ng mga pagkain pag nagtambay tayo sa bahay niyo. tinyp mo pa talga. paisa isa pa. nakakatwa talga. parang nangaakit. kaso naaalala ko lang nagawa mo na rin yan kay sara. inaya mo na rin kumain sa haus niyo. patikman ng specialty mo.

ginagago mo naman ako eh..

kahapon nag field trip ako. binilhan kita ng souvenir. magugutuhan mo yun. mahilig ka sa mga ganun eh.
binanggit ko pa sayo yun sa phone.
"i've got something for you" sabi ko
"talga?? ako rin eh" sabi mo.
"ano?"
"CD. pakinggan mo ha?"

putsa hanggang ngayon pa ba naman di pa rin niya alam na wala akng hilig sa lovesongs. tang ina. sakitan ba ito. sige its the thought that counts naman eh.

di ba si sara yung mahilg sa love songs??
nakaksakit din pala yung simple thoguht noh?
fuck

drilling holes

ive got a developing hole in my tummy. peptic ulcer daw sabi ni mommy. or hyperacidity. whatever. hell cares anyway. they would open up another space to feed the serpents with fresh meat.
masarap palang patayin unti unti sarili mo. lalo na pag anjan yung pain. as for my part lumalakas yung pain threshold ko. adik na ata ako.
i can spend the whole day without eating. kahit alam kong masarap maging glutton.

tababoy na raw ako...

i also got anoher hole sa may palate. singaw.... laki. ewan parang kabuting biglang sumulpot. sobrang sakit talga. i spent the whole day yesterday na parang may lisp pag nagsasalita... tapos dry lips pa..
so....

profile for the whole week:
(silencio)

san akO??

eto ang isa sa mga pics na nahagilap ko sa friendster (c/o abi).. mga tunay na kaibigan. we'll start anew in up --- kinakanta pa namin ni abi nung mga 4th year pa kami. excited na pumasok sa primiyadong unibersidad.. at ako? di ko alam ang kinahinatnan..
nasirang samahan?? di ah??
nawalay lang sa lecheng pag - aacads.. at oo nga, ISTRICT ANG PARENTS KO
tang na, ang gwapo ng isang lalaki jan

walang kokontra.

FABS, ingat ka

hehe totoo to. paano, kahapon pnuntahan ako ni fabs sa class ko sa p6 para umupo ng less than a minute tapos umalis din. napaisip tuloy ako. feeling ko, mamatay na ang dakilang kaibigan ko. mamiss ko na murahan natin. tsaka mamimiss ko yung ginawa nating eksena sa cr nun..

PUTA ba ako?? gago ka talga fabs.
basta ingat ka.. kukunin ka na ata ni LORD eh..