MED PININGS numero une

with med looming over the horizon, it is very much impossible to skip days without leaving the house, stretching a leg or just merely yawning. i am currently busy finishing the last of my med requirements before class starts in june.
manila has been the least of my most-wanted-places-on-earth and the thought of going back and forth everyday would mean more alveolar killings, pulsating headaches and a clammy/ eeky/ greasy feeling--- all of which i havent felt in diliman (or could have but at the minimum).

a candy dream of medicine is not what it is in reality.

i havent had a total experience of med life, but having the experience of traffic and pollution has given me a tinge of what will be LIFE in the next 5 years.
suffocating. crampy. sickening.

med life still happy. happy. happy.
-- i take my 3 last words back--

numero deux:
i have always been open about my status with bry. i have tried to end it once but due to some circumstances that i cannot hold, i kept trusting and funding a few more investments.
whatever bryan's ordeal is with med, it is absolutely a self inflicting case. i've had all the experiences of persuading him and apparently, he only sees what he wanted to see.
the best i can do is to hope that someday his brain will have room good enough to accomodate a few more explanations and a bigger occipital cortical area to see beyond his intended limits.

*seems like im being tug-o-warred*

officially in!

i'll soon be stepping my first rung and hopefully, i can get all the way to the top without any slips.

pagpupugay sa mga isko at iska

pasasalamat sa mga magulang, mga mahal sa buhay, kaibigan, kapanalig, katunggali, kagrupo, kaorganisasyon, kapwa, mga kababayan, sa lahat

isang pagsukli mula sa bayan ang siyang tanging tugon at tiyak na ang ating pagiging ganap bilang mga bagong luwal ng unibersidad.

isang hamon para sa lahat sa atin

pananagutan, katotohanan at paninidigan.

mabuhay ka isko, mabuhay ka iska.

*isang hamon ni kgg. david*

13.... 13

so much has happened in a day. that even if i was all smothered in sweat and grime, have walked UP fields countless number of times, and have skipped 2 meals (a dinner and a lunch), i still wanna go back and do it all over again.


it is interesting to note that the number 13 is still plastered around my face. and i'm lucky to have worn it sunup to sundown.

still MD?

reality has dropped me from dreamworld that now, as the world is sinking in my brains, i still cannot absorb everything that is actually taking in. dreams would always be dreams, and if you try to grab the best opportunity in store to gain a step up the ladder, you'll find yourself landing on your butt sooner than what you think.

ideally after graduation, my plan is to pursue a medicine career and be the best surgeon, far more better than Burke in cardio or Shepard in neuro. specilaization in mind: neuro, cardio (both already said), onco, or ortho (callie!). i love to see myself all geared up in scrubs, a scalpel or with a makita driller for more hardcore. i think it looks lovely a picture. the big yet, is the sudden rising of the long put off canadian dream. the immigration consul counted 2-4 years before the whole family will be good enough to stay, and that means overlapping with my med studies if ever i decided to pursue.
i dont want to be a helpless pussy, that even lookiing up my ladder is like feeling your heart being stabbed soo many times. afterall its like pulling a trigger and see if it will mark a spot. a little of optimism and maybe this time mom will lend me an ear. come april 19, i foresee that the cloudy brain of mine and the broken ladder will soon be fixed. just please, for the better.
i need to put that scrubs on... deadline: 5 years from now.

VACATION NOT OVER

i thought that having a vacation would give me a total peace of mind. but to my surprise, it wasnt. the least of my priorities is again pushed atop of the heap when the very person himself brought me back to where we left ourselves before...

i still know the attachment, the commitment, everything. but as soon as i decided to stop being in sync with your very erratic schedule, i realized that even at my own, im still at one piece. what does that mean? i DO NOT know.

trust me, i'm looking for the proper remedy for the both of us. and if i'm killing you in pain, accept my deepest apologies. truth hurts.

just think of this as a phase we just have to outive for the moment.

P.S. i am trying... i really do.

making the most of what is left

3 days to go; 2 more subjects
--- 2 empirical papers
---2 long exams

countless shots.. and finally a degree.

*i'm still looking forward to becoming a doctor. and as i say, a good one.

rotten

im at the peak of my bewilderment, and im still puzzled as to why everyhting have fallen into broken pieces. this wasnt meant to be so fragile. now, everything just smelled as stale as bread and as bad as rotten egg.

who would like to take in something that has been filled with molds anyway.
i might as well starve myself again

post op

it wasn't a red day affair for me as compared to most of those i know. on the very eve, i was busy doing tons of paperwork, that i dint care if my bags sag or my hair disheveled. and even if i did have the strongest urge to call his cellphone and greet, poverty also slip in my recesses and have won my decision not too. afterall, its the thought that counts. probably he knew of that.

on the very day, i was thrashed out with muscle spasms and headaches, spent the rest of the day on bed, woke up and continued my triathlon of dibidis spared with popcorns and cereals.

nothing really special about it, but yes, it's a good day.

what my valentine is...

21 months of loyalty, phone fights, i love yous, cheesy talks, secrets and fun.
i'm glad to have you. even if you've been quite a shadow lately.
i admire your undying efforts to reach and understand the immaturity of my thoughts. i may not have any gifts to offer you, or a thousand letters for you to read. i may not be the cheesy girl you ever will dream of. but one thing is certain----

i badly miss you.

a bunch of cheese will do

as of now, my life's a total wreck. i need not explicitly state the status of my daily affairs since it would bring tons of questions-- novel et non.

it bothers me, as i contemplate on the matters, that i have been an easy tweep. small time talks, private messages, jeepney rides-- all of those i rolled in one bottle of vodka and had drank till the last drop. and for a little less than a month, i have been badly intoxicated. BADLY.
what made matters worse--- a slip of the tongue. and an untimely phone call.

by the way, i tried to induce a happy aura by biting some monte carlo today. however, it never worked.

all hearts out

live aids all all fun! buti na lang at may kasama akong tumawa dahil kung hindi, malamang mukha akong sira sa likod nila kaye kakatawa. it was only a bad choice that he was sitting along the aisle and he was easily spotted by giselle. very horrible was when he and another guy was dared to kiss or beso to prove that they weren't closeta's.

the tiger did.

and oh, may i say that giselle picked a gamey little guy. wahahahha
NOTE: gamey LITTLE guy
*laughing all hearts out

afterplay
after hours didnt shunt the heat up..

M- PHOSIS

i have done the unimaginable.

its been quite a while since i vowed not to let anyone in my virtual abode. however, i got a chance to meet someone stupid as i am that easily penetrated my personal bubble; hence gaining a pass to gatecrash (read: irony). i have yet again set aside my intimidating wall and instead opened another door for this someone whose knowledge of me is still bounded by the 4 corners of his monitor..

for you who is new...

welcome.

fork

this should have been posted a week ago, but because of some mishaps (spilled coffee, holed tummy, black eyebags) which can be easily attributed to lack of sleep and a problematic body clock, it took me several days to recocver from this holiday stress.

2006 bombarded me with several big hit questions . most salient of which carries off till now, future at stake

i do not need a psychic to address my future. enough that i know how goal oriented i am to address the situation of my year.. ideally, my plan is to graduate and pursue med. but the past year have extended my borders to the full and exposed me to some possibilities of what life will be if i take the other way granting that my road forks.
perhaps a year off?

or pursue my long time career-- healing wounds, removing scars, easing pain. all at the same time. and yes, loving it all the more.

christmas was meager

though our house was fashioned to look a little of being celebrative and cheery- few decors were put up and we hadn't have the usual tree, it wasn't that bad.

even if:
* i only received one gift - not from parents.. but from some kaexchange
* 1 greeting thru text
* 1 greeting thru phone
* the last two came from one person (thnks fabs)


still it wasn't that bad...

i did get even later in the day:
*spending it with few relatives
*videoke straight from afternoon till evening
*LAMOOOON (yep)
*lick from mindy and a snob from chinggay
*went to the fort and was unfortunate as we end up "cutoffed" from krispy kreme line, gonuts instead
*kuya javi winning the freethrow challenge and won chinggoy (the unggoy stuffed toy)
*having felt his fulfillment- priceless!

*and just being plainly satisfied with how everything was as the whole day ended.

still... christmas was fun regardless of it being meager.

on the rocks

im betting my ass on this... im closer again to single hood if this still persists.

aint doing any better with him for the last couple of months. and im darn hating it.

enough on concerns

do what you please. SKIES THE LIMIT. i dont mind you crossing the borders or chasing death. i've had too much burden on worrying even if to no avail. i won't care on anything that will concern you.
i'm letting you be.

and i'm letting myself out.

PSYCHIATRIC CLEARANCE
i never did anything right. i'm in no proper order-- the most positive i can get does not sit perfectly to what i'm planning ahead; the most negative, has been presumed to be bound by aggressive tendencies..

what i thought was a normal release of sadness, is a predisposition to what he says--- DEPRESSION.
i say, i'm bound to med school; he says i'm not.
and the paper tells otherwise.