IT IS THINSPIRING NO MORE

i'm grateful to have a handful of friends who are in silent mumbling for the past few days when my thinspiring photo at frinedster was publicized. even if i look like my last muscle was already been converted for glycoligenic consumption, rest assured that im in tight shape--- i still have my bones for a frame and my skins are up for a good cover.

so far, my "fitness" is being put to stress by flu and head ache of all sorts. i only ate a chicken the night before then the next day i found myself unable to stand and walk for movement sake.
the last thing i know, my tongue grew out to be a bittergourd, and has spared me to eat for two consecutive meals. please, no more finger pointing if you think i look a lot lot worse.

intoxicated
yes, at you. ur last kiss left me all purple.

yet, im asking for more.
blow me up. a big bubble.
let me pop

dysfunx tagboard

pls send your messages thru email instead. this hassle will still take at most 2 months.. thanks

switchfoot


it was a cruel way to start the month with some forgetfulness. especially, if you are expecting something that would remind you that your'e special....
but as surprises and gifts are naturally "unexpected", i think it would rather be better to relieve oneself of anticipations- i'm getting all focused on my peripheries,that i almost bumped myself on the wall. afterall, it must be the front that must be bothered about the most.

18 more days.. before i'll finally switch back to peripheries. this time no more guilts.

who steers the wheel

i would like to think of our case a split brained one. and if only a chimeric figures test is possible, i will be the very first to confirm that my side is not the dominating one.

but i am very much willing to adjust the floors. just give me all the time and patience you have, if still, there are.

clueless

after i have spent-slash passed the time with.....

i ended up drenched in sweat and rain
even got a sore foot

the worst, it wasn't appreciated.

snapshots @ the game
pix courtesy of mona


dyan,mona and moi

with boom boy
sana UP din
with mona the koreana

kudos to san beda

before anything else, pls scrap in mind what i have posted for the past weeks. all is well (again).

anyhoo, i was out with bry and some bedan friends. naki school spirit ako sa iba. haha...
although i dont like red as a school color, it looks better on bedans. (sa bedans lang). the game was a tight one in the last seconds of the final quarter after aljamal managed to rebound the ball and kept stuck on it for even a few seconds. and so, madrama ang finale, since it was only a 1 pt lead. buti na lang at may kapit ang kamay ni aljamal! (like ko na siya, and also the one who fired a 3 point shot na almost half court ang layo--- shempre, i love bry better).

*i'm looking forward to the ateneo-uste game.
and since, ayaw ko sa uste,
GO ATENEO!!!

simple analogy

if you're life's a bitch, and iam your "life"
then
i am your bitch.

yes, im a bitch.

GINUMAN!! 5 SHOTS FOR PURP

sorry

words are not enough to express how painful it is to let go. in fact, as i'm writing this whole thing, i can't help but take deep sighs to release the tension building up inside. i know that iam not the perfect person for you,
and yet i keep on trying countless number of times to show you how much am i willing to give. but it seems like it doesn't make you any happier. i thought that you could be the person to understand since you have traced me entirely from the very start.probably you were right most of the time. you have a number of points to raise for my lack of inconsiderations. but isnt it just fair to broaden your horizons and give me a fair share of your understanding? or i just couldnt make up for the demands and have touched the last nerve of your patience. whatever the case is, i have fought my whole life on this, i have adjusted, even tightened up to the last hole of my belt. but that doesn't mean that i have perfected myself that there is no room left enough for flaws. and for this last moment that we've been together, this shallow imperfection has led me to a realization that for such a long time i kept on suppressing. i can no longer tolerate the discipline im putting myself into. i have drained my resources and can't afford to invest the remaining percent i have left. sorry.

one day

.... when i get used to things, everything would just all be gone.
promise

the hell with monday-holiday drizzles

blame the mothball fumes for making me sick since thursday. i was busy digging in salvation army's refuse of clothes and bags that i wasn't able to notice that i have inhaled air borne protists and other micro specimens. the next day, was unfortunate as well to even get my fingers in deep trouble. think about fuming sulfuric acid + tollen's reagent. woohoo.. double double whammy. swear, it left a chocolatey rich mark with stings to match. pakshet. there was no actual first aid, since i discovered it at home already and my mom insisted on putting petroleum jelly all over, i on the other hand would like to try on acetone to erase the mess. but she won't let me- fearing about the possible reaction of another chemical would blow my fingers away (read: ignition-reaction theory of matter).

fast forwarded, saturdays and sundays didnt do well. the shearing pain in my throat and my runny nose set me early to bed for 2 straight nights. and my medications/ fruit juices/ lozenges won't do me any good. except that it facilitates disruption of circadian cycles and inhibits activation of my reticular system. in short, my anticipation of a hassle free monday holiday is nothing but jammed traffics on books and handouts. spare me from the "headaches". well, i hope.

sojourns and hormonal spurts

Spilling the beans just to free myself from impediments would entirely be a no win case as it would complicate matters. However, I opt to do so for no apparent reason. Probably, my tongue’s sting is too much to handle than the notoriety of becoming the next walking headline to be talked over a cup of coffee. The past few weeks were completely occupied by frequent toilet trips, vertigo experiences, number counting- yes, forwards and backwards (checking on the double if I got my computations right, whether I have landed on the wrong date or on the not so wrong dates) and hoarding every drop of possible justification for my crisis.
What if the answers lie in those morsels of white stuck bwn my digits? Or could it be that divine intervention blastula implantation achievable?

tête-à-tête to banter

For somebody, very much interested in the mechanism of a concerted conversation, one thing keeps popping out of my head: is it a necessity to drag a "wage war movement"
whenever there is a rotting existence of silence? OR to induce spontaneity, brings along a pseudo topic that you can call an argument just to break the muted gap?
I really would like to appreciate the effort of your call, but on every occasion I RESPOND ACCORDINGLY on it, you always respond as if I am wide of the mark. Besides, if I am to defend myself, would just pile up my cons as a partner- since we never did have the same wavelength (and if ever, is a rare case). The question of why's and how's of my temperament is not the remedy to make me cognizant of my flaws. Yes, I do so admit. That to be able to stretch the dawning conclusion of this understanding, you talk of you becoming a martyr as if that is the only medication left for the recurring cancer of our conversations. At the same time, you keep on pointing me a finger that it's me who's keeping this mess up.
Finishing off the discourse early is not a negative means of prolonging this fight. But apparently, you have superimposed yet another meaning for my untimely resignment. The following day, that I felt at least ok, you slap me once again- as if I've done it all again. What do you want me to do? I have just tried all the possibilities.
Plus factor: I so thought you are to go out for errands, how come it's not the way things turned out today. As if it's a big deal to ask what your errand is that you're hiding it like a surreptitious act. And what a sudden plan of going out with family? I so thought your Saturdays are free.

when poverty strikes

its hard to imagine how. as soon as everything had fallen into place, the majority took their initial reactions as if we-will-be-on-this-till the-end. later in the day, you came to see them at ogle pointe blank; and for an act of concern, you suggest that a white flag is a must. its not enough that motivation is fired only by hopes and prayers. a 20-80 probability on the cons side is as much as necessary for a gamble.

i understand how exasperating it is. but nobody can fight an invisible/ perennial foe.

closet gays

isang uboderang sinungaling

may katulong kami na ang pangalan ay "beng" at sa di malamang dahilan, hindi namin mabuo ang kanyang totoong pangalan. kung di lang dahil sa papel de agencia na nakita sa drawer niya matapos siyang lumayas/ pinalayas, malamang she will be remembered as the certain "beng" as mom would have put it.

its a june 12 when she marked our calendars- immediate goodbye; na ginawan niya ng isang malakomedyang exit/ maladrama sa parte niya (maaksyon pa nga). a fight na almost "killing spree" na ang datign kung di pa naawat, sent her back home. and during the discussion "beng" told dad na kinakanti daw siya ng isang tibo (def.: inaasar). and this time it rose her temper. what started the fight was when this tomboy aka marlin, suddenly rushed for her inside the house. which she explained why she hurried home and look for some sort of weapon (read: pangsafeguard).
its mostly a verbal fight, in "beng's" part- panakot lang naman ang jack sa kamay at puro mura ang ginawa. marlin, on the other hand went out after she realized na pwede siyang makasuhan ng trespassing.
dad tried to pacify "beng's" anger for an hour and a half. at ang makapal na mukhang katulong, napaka OA na talga that she even kicked the car every time she felt that it would be the best moment to match with her cries. pinauwi siya ng crame asap, sabi ni tito, mainit na dugo ng kapitbahay sa kanya. kinailangan ng baranggay tanod para makumbinsi na umuwi na. at katulad ni mcarthur, she uttered: "babalikan ko siya..." - mga huling salita bago sumibat.

what made her the uboderang sinungaling?
- the fight between her and the tomboy ay dahil sa nabuking siya (bilang katulong) ng nagpakilala siya sa isang girl sa tapat ng bahay namin na may-ari ng bahay namin.... (kapal)
- when we're out of town, she once told some neighbors that she was dad's cousin.
- at ang pakilala niya sa counter boy sa mercury: nagwowork daw siya sa call center. (yan talga ang panalo- mukha pa lang di na papasa)
* im not judgemental, nor superficial. but she's just too much. aside from the fact that she's so comfortable inside the house she even tries to meddle in family affairs; had asked my brothers to work in the dishes whenever dad's away; and was always out- para dumaldal.

that's where my mom's pay for her go.

sana di bigo

iam a senior psych student with plans of going med. but as of the present moment a medicine dream seems to be shifting away from the way things are turning out: a mediocre mark from compara anat, mama leaving, and plus plus debits (this is where the privys come in).
for a parent under tights, will he be willing to pay a little over a million, wait for another half a decade just to see his daughter gleaming and getting ready for her 1st operation?

that i think won't do. (hoping that my hopes wont fall)

a month's hardwork, only equals a seat of mediocrity. and even if i have plucked and burned my eyebrows, its the only seat available. i always wonder how come those night stretches didn't span my success mark. and when will my efforts reach the fullest of the fullest?

summer really is a suspense thriller.