tangle the untangle

2008-03-24T08:50:00.000-07:00

the summer fuss

ok, so im done with my 1st year med stuff:

-- back back to a more than 2month vacation *feeling all giddy*
-- list of those people promoted for 2nd year will be out in 12 hours time *CROSSING fingers*
-- start of me hitting the beach, and will be trying to sport that nice tan im craving round bout since december
-- tomorrows beach blast with medicine friends
-- beach blast with high school friends *sana*
-- super beach blast with up tour friends... this one's the nicest-- showcasing cebu-bohol-dumaguete sidetrippings! wakokokokoko. *jumps up and down*

at sana di ko makalimutan mag aral ng pharma and patho in between my beach breaks para naman sa june di ako mastress! booyeah
will be posting some pics here. some....

2008-03-04T23:02:00.000-08:00

my one-man-cheering-team

message from _____:

subject: hi

message: i miss you..... goodluck sa exams.

2008-02-15T09:46:00.000-08:00

a valentines surprise

who would've thought that the week will grace me with so much!
a rundown of what i have received (and am thankful for):
* i passed -- 75 flat in my histo pracs
* had my time to attend the fair with my old school bunch
* spill on bry (which closed my deal)
*a new laptop
* the freshly hot 30 ++ grand that was on the wait

more of a christmas than a valentines for me!

2008-02-06T05:41:00.000-08:00

taking small steps at a time

70% of first year medicine is routinary-- that of which spent in books, running your ass from home to school and back, looking up the mirror to check for bags (both the saddles and beans), saving what is left of your youth (if one just could...)
i have been trying to stop myself from thinking how i got myself into these. afterall, this is what i have been pushing thru ever since day 1 and bugging myself with such thoughts could just send me into confusion... confusion that is, and it is a persistent thought that i have to get thru before clicking the lights off for a 2-3 hour sleep.

but before i start to think about quitting, i forgot that the remaining 30% serves my purpose of staying-- handling a few cases, being able to diagnose, localization of lesion (which by far is what i really love) and yep, i was able to extract blood.

the latter may seem a tiny thing for a bunch-lots to learn in med school, but this will definitely be a start of bigger things. soon, i'll be able to cut a live person open.

*thought of grandeur starts to pop now uh oh*

p.s. sorry chrys for that vein damage. i'll do better next time =)

2008-01-28T02:44:00.000-08:00

right before.....

migs left again for states. =(

and why oh why u were so sudden? i say, you go back here asap!

2008-01-27T06:49:00.000-08:00

imma bit late for a new year's post. the last of the previous year was spent with enjoyment-- getting wasted and at the same time being a nerd for my endo, genetics, and thoracic anatomy exams all rolled in the 2nd week of 08. shifting was scheduled on the third week and there was definitely a little time to waste (for more partying) i suppose.

UPDATES:
*have struggled 2 weeks of sleep deprivation for exams. i'm definitely in (caffeinee mode)!
-- i have to catch up with ana since im flunkng my tests (lahat actually) and i need to push that up to at least a 75. if i only not wallow on tHAT *points down* edi sana im in a safer zone. anyhoo, exams over, and hoping that somehow my exam results would pull my grades up (o puhleez)
*way way past my post break up trauma and getting back to singlehood *YAY*
-- i was pissed off the last time he texted. he was sincere in his apologies but what really got to my nerve was his thought that i may have not been completely over him because im still in that stage of "denial and hurt"
-- well, apparently im done... even scratch marks are gone (he should see me soon)
*hooked up with tim, on the other hand, still convincing myself to fall for that french guy --- pero teka lang muna.
-- tim is an old friend. i'm glad we're back to what life was before brian took over. we had the same situation sharing a part of what we have learned from our pasts. but no... nothing special though.
-- the french guy.... for now *blank* and i think, will still be. unless he opts to take off that tough guard of his. a very tough one
(btw, he'll be my date for the valentines!)
*more sister bondings and makati expeditions
*frequent mall trips
*diner dash mode -- im now on the fourth and final =)
*ala pa ding inum mode (blaming it on the EXAMS!)

so there... that's for now and for the whole of january. i'll be frequent as soon as med requirements stops bugging me.
for now, i'll be off to my lab and case conferences.

a HAPPY and a BUSY new year to me eh

2007-12-29T09:13:00.000-08:00

Life is all about change...and I'm currently in a part of my life involving a huge one... "I don't wanna be here, Id give anything to not be here, to have my life work out the way I planned it and even have time to ask what about me?...So you change, you get over it...Im here now..." We may not have the power to choose all the time, but we have the power to adapt to change and make the best of what God has offered us...

And so... Here I am currently living in acceptance...keeping a promise to my only love and looking forward to a better and exciting chapter of my life

-ruth-

2007-12-26T01:00:00.000-08:00

goodbye (for now)

that should have been the last word i said to him during our last conversation but up to the very last minute, i could not muster the courage to say it to him..

i was thinking then..he has caused me pain but i think he has no clear idea about what he has done..what was i thinking? actually, the more i have thought about him for the past month has made me feel worse about our situation..i should have never let him get too close to me..i should have stayed away when i had an excuse to do so..but i did not listen to what my mind was saying, instead i followed my heart's instructions..and now i am paying the price
i am a coward, i know..you won't hear anything from me from now on..if i get scared or if i need comfort, i won't be tempted to let you know about it..i would try to learn again to live a life independent from you..your existence for the past three years has been great, it has been a blessing..you gave me hope but you also took that hope away..i just wish you happiness and if one day i see you somewhere, i hope i can smile at you without any pretensions..

2007-12-18T06:57:00.000-08:00

"There is nothing sadder in this life than to watch someone you love walk away after they have left you. To watch the distance between your two bodies expand until there is nothing left but empty space... and silence."

2007-12-06T05:15:00.001-08:00

im still in my post, and i have been making my first few steps away slowly.
at the same time glancing back and drawing a few inches back.

mukhang mahihirapan akong umalis sa pwesto.
pain is still as fresh as it was 2 weeks ago.

feelings have been the same, and it really grows strong...

now tell me how can you cut off a growing tree when its roots has been digging kilometers of the ground?

2007-12-02T05:21:00.000-08:00

its more than a week already. at masasabi kong this has been one of the worst week of my life. masakit pa din sa kin ang lahat. at kahit ipaulit ulit ko sa utak ko para lang kahit papano eh madesensitized ako at maimmune, the same pa rin ang feeling. masakit pa din. nagccreep sa likod ko yung lamig, and yung dread. yup dread, the sad thing though, anjan na siya. yung kinatatakutan ko anjan na pala sa harap ko. at oo, in denial pa din ako sa mga pangyayari.
for 1 week, nagwallow ako sa lungkot, at awa sa sarili. naawa ako sa sarili ko. naisahan na naman ako. at kahit isipin ko pa yung huling beses na nagusap kami, at kahit alam kong maayos ang mga huling salita namin noong biyernes ng madaling arawna iyon, sa loob loob ko alam ko, di ako magiging maayos. di ito magiging madali. i don't deserve this. yan ang paulit ulit na naiisip ko.
at sa bawat alaala, literal na sumasama ang pakiramdam ko. tawag na nga sa med, depression spurts. saksi ang mga kaklase ko sa dalahin ko sa araw araw na pagpasok ko sa school. alam nila na impyerno ang paguubos ko ng oras dahil simula ng mangyari yun, biglang sarado ng buong sistema ko.

naawa ako sa sarili ko. kaso wala akong magawa. salamt at may mga taong handang tumulong. sa pag alis niya, maraming pintuan ang muling nabuksan. mga dating tao, mga dating anjan na. hindi ko lang alam na anjan dahil siya at siya lang naman ang pinaglalaanan ko talga. mahirap talga pag sa isang tao mo lang naibubuhos ang lahat, kaya kapag iniwan ka na, pakiramdam mo wala ka na din. ang di mo lang alam madami palang naghihintay ng buong atensyon mo.

sa loob ng isang linggo, naranasan ko ang umiyak in between classes, ang biglang mapatigil sa kinakain ko, ang di kumain ng dalawang araw na direcho dahil kahit iforce feed ko ang sarili ko, isusuka ko lang talga. masahol pa sa bulimia ang depression talgang papatayin ka. its a helpless situation dahil kahit may mga taong anjan sa paligid mo, its really up to you to make things work. at yun ang masakit dun, alam ko ang estado ko, pero wala akong magawa. alam ko ang tawag pero hinahayaan ko lang. dahil sa bawat galaw mo isang sampal pa din ang matatanggap mo. sadya man o hindi.

i want this over. i really do. pero kung babalikan ko ang mga napgdaaanan ko na, alam ko matagal tagal pa bago ito matapos. alam ko ilang sampal pa (marahil marami rami pa) bago ako tuluyang mamanhid at tumigil sa pagdidiliryo ko. alam ko di ko na maibabalik ang lahat. sayang. isang malaking panghihinayang.

katulad ng dati, i will still be hoping. hanggang maubos na ang mga pangarap ko. hanggang makayanan ko na ulit. hanggang di na ko matablan ng sakit.

hanggang mabuo ko na ulit ang sarili ko.

2007-11-29T08:26:00.000-08:00

I’ve always wondered why they say that mothers know best. Now I know. This silly, innocent, naïve child should have listened to her mother.

*
My mom would always tell me to look for a man who knows how to say “I’m sorry.” Not the curt, brief, sometimes growling ‘sorry’ that guys mutter under their breath, but the sincere, penitent “I am sorry” which they aren’t afraid of being overheard by other people.
*
She used to tell me to look for a guy who wouldn’t trample on my dignity, wouldn’t make me feel less of myself, wouldn’t make me feel or treat me like a rag. She cautioned against loving a person too much that you allow that person to run your life, make you feel inferior, less of yourself, much more, a person without her own identity.
*
She tells me about being my own woman, not a shadow of my partner. That no matter how much you love that person, no matter how much you want to follow him to the ends of the earth, you will always be YOU. And even if you’re supposed to have joint dreams and aspirations as a couple, you also have your own dreams and aspirations. She points out the importance of compromise and leveling-off. At one time, you may have to give in. And sometimes, it’s him who has to give in. But it shouldn’t always be YOU.
*
And while she tells me never to easily give in, she tells me about swallowing my pride and making the first move to say sorry especially if I’m the one at fault. I shouldn’t wait for the guy to kneel down in front of me just so to test his dedication or the depth of his feelings. Manipulation may work at first. Threats of a cool-off or a break-up may work at first. But it eventually loses its appeal, and come on, guys do get tired going after their girlfriend’s whims and trying to please them.
*
She tells me never to go to sleep without resolving a problem. There are times when you need moments to cool down after an argument, sleep it off and talk about the problem the next day. But if you both can do it, try to solve the problem before going to bed. Wouldn’t it be better if you face each other in the morning smiling instead of exchanging angry, hurtful glances, or much more, ignoring each other?
*
Mom says never be blown away by the words. Don’t be dazzled by how smart or intelligent he is, by the number of words he knows in the dictionary, by how good he writes or speaks or talks, by how deft his hands are, by the beauty of his face, his height or even his sexy appeal. And because I have a stupid tendency of falling for smart, intelligent, not-exactly-geeky guys, she warned me against falling for the wrong reasons --- mainly the intellectual stimulation the guy provides. Because, according to her, smart guys are usually stubborn, hard-headed men. They can be so darn rational and logical at times that it’s hard to get through to them. Everything has to have an explanation and it better be one that their rational, logical minds can comprehend. Of course, there are exceptions, but the fact still remains that the smarter one is, the more complicated things are for that person.
*
Of course, she didn’t tell me to go for a moron. Look for someone who’s a good conversationalist, understands what you’re saying and generally, provide you intellectual stimulation every now and then. But don’t go for someone who philosophize practically everything and all aspects of the relationship. The debates may be stimulating at first, but it gets tiring trying to argue the ‘whys’ and ‘hows’ of things. Love, in the first place, needs no philosophy, debates, or arguments of the metaphysics of life.
*
Smarting from a painful rejection from my first love, I complained to her about losing my Mr. Perfect. He’s someone my family would have been proud of –a decent guy from a good, reputable family, with a good career and all the good genes I would like to pass on to my kids. She wisely told me that I am not supposed to look for Mr. Perfect in the first place. Anak, an average guy would do as long as he’s kind, he loves you and understands you.
*
Well, of course, I forgot that advice again, because I blindly plunged into the river and now, I’m trying to save my heart and my pride. He’s someone exciting. Impulsive, suave, persistent, more than nice-looking, and with a mind that blows me away sometimes –good genes as well. But alas, perhaps I was wrong in playing his ‘extreme’ game.
*
My mom tells me about being open, talking about problems and each one’s expectations and trying to compromise. She tells me about being upfront, about not playing games with your loved one’s emotions.
*
Because love, according to my dear mama, is supposed to make you grow more as a person, make you feel more confident, give you security and stability. Love is supposed to make you appreciate yourself more, not demean you. Love is supposed to empower you and highlight your good points, and not the bad. And love is supposed to be about listening and respecting the other person. It’s not dismissal or turning a deaf ear to your partner. It’s about understanding and forgiveness. It’s about acceptance. It’s easy to accept the good things. But the true test of love is one’s willingness to accept the other person’s faults, and the other’s willingness to change their faults for the sake of their loved one.

Now, I don’t know if these words were something she learned from her own mama, from the romance pocketbooks she reads, from experience, or even from her own idealistic musings of a relationship. But the fact that I’ve taken a couple of crashes from my own fantasies ---falling for the sexy appeal, the intellectual stimulation, allowing myself to be charmed by the big words --- because I didn’t heed her words only show that perhaps it’s time I try to see the wisdom of her words.
Afterall, mothers are supposed to know best.

2007-11-25T01:11:00.000-08:00

picking up the pieces

contrary to what i thought and what i posted previously, things happened so fast. bryan broke up with me. i'll soon post the reasons of our break up

i must admit that this process of healing and picking up every broken pieces is hurting me more.

i hope this'll end soon. i cant bear the pain anymore.
its more than a thousand needles in my heart.

i hate you bryan... and yet i'm still loving you.

2007-11-10T08:44:00.000-08:00

at the top of the wheel

things are going pretty smoothly. bryan and i blew our candles before the halloween, and have started to say our temporary goodbyes before boarding again to med school.

my vacation answered my queries about my relational cum personal affairs as everyday was livved with nothing but a smile ear to ear, hearty meals, and countless number of laughters.

it was lovely.

2007-10-22T09:54:00.000-07:00

delineating

i have never liked psychology. and i still regret choosing it over the others (thanks to naneng). but this realization hit me a double when i was confronted with an incident that found myself picking over the subjective when it should have been objectively done.
a case of hand neuropathy was reversed into what i thought was a simple case of psychosomatic problem- ergo, a fake. what made me think about that was a simple reading of her exagerrations that to my surprise turned me into a hag of an old unreliable psychologist.

apparently, what i thought a fake happened to be rushed again to the hospital.
the same same problem.

2007-10-09T05:55:00.000-07:00

caffeine consumptions and lens expenditures

i never thought, that i'd only be "med high" for a few weeks. as i started to indulge myself into boosts of coffee and medical nightmares, the effect of being there and scratching up your medical career seems to slough off. months just flew by, not noticing that i have lost AGAIN a few pounds and my lens becoming less and less pwerful.

ranting aside, i have officially paved my way to new medical jargons and cases. and judging from watching House again, i can run through with oohs and aahs-- terrific.
---------------------------------------------------------------

what made life easier though are these 26 add ons in my social circle. call it a soon to be colleagues, with much laughing and lightening up. i'm not surprised they also drink the same gallon as i do.

same rule applies when we push one up to the grilling machine. god i hate case conferences.

2007-09-05T10:27:00.000-07:00

pardon me for my absence. i am stucked with few horseplaying, and attempts to fight off sleep and read chapters of medical texts that im not sure when i am supposed to be finished. so far, i have solved eezy (?) cases, most complicated of which was this damn cardiac failure plus plus the complications. only to find out that in the end, the patient ended up rigor.

now for the last few stretch of the sem, emphysema.

2007-06-08T08:38:00.000-07:00

BED REST

a few more days before i wave off my vacation and put my hats off to stress. my eyes are now ready to load bags, had my new hair do to kick up my first day and had saddled a few pounds for contingencies. just recently, my health was down the dumps. i was forced to 4 days of bed rest-- cancelling my planned night outs with a few close friends and my EK visit with bry, which by the way i accidentally put off ALSO because of a petty fight.

Luckily momma's got a plan b, im out tomorrow with her to feed my fashion cravings that according to her will stop as soon as i put on my whites.

2007-05-23T09:10:00.000-07:00

MED PININGS numero une

with med looming over the horizon, it is very much impossible to skip days without leaving the house, stretching a leg or just merely yawning. i am currently busy finishing the last of my med requirements before class starts in june.
manila has been the least of my most-wanted-places-on-earth and the thought of going back and forth everyday would mean more alveolar killings, pulsating headaches and a clammy/ eeky/ greasy feeling--- all of which i havent felt in diliman (or could have but at the minimum).

a candy dream of medicine is not what it is in reality.

i havent had a total experience of med life, but having the experience of traffic and pollution has given me a tinge of what will be LIFE in the next 5 years.
suffocating. crampy. sickening.

med life still happy. happy. happy.
-- i take my 3 last words back--

numero deux:
i have always been open about my status with bry. i have tried to end it once but due to some circumstances that i cannot hold, i kept trusting and funding a few more investments.
whatever bryan's ordeal is with med, it is absolutely a self inflicting case. i've had all the experiences of persuading him and apparently, he only sees what he wanted to see.
the best i can do is to hope that someday his brain will have room good enough to accomodate a few more explanations and a bigger occipital cortical area to see beyond his intended limits.

*seems like im being tug-o-warred*

2007-05-17T10:59:00.000-07:00

officially in!

i'll soon be stepping my first rung and hopefully, i can get all the way to the top without any slips.

2007-04-23T08:02:00.000-07:00

pagpupugay sa mga isko at iska

pasasalamat sa mga magulang, mga mahal sa buhay, kaibigan, kapanalig, katunggali, kagrupo, kaorganisasyon, kapwa, mga kababayan, sa lahat

isang pagsukli mula sa bayan ang siyang tanging tugon at tiyak na ang ating pagiging ganap bilang mga bagong luwal ng unibersidad.

isang hamon para sa lahat sa atin

pananagutan, katotohanan at paninidigan.

mabuhay ka isko, mabuhay ka iska.

*isang hamon ni kgg. david*

2007-04-16T08:31:00.000-07:00

13.... 13

so much has happened in a day. that even if i was all smothered in sweat and grime, have walked UP fields countless number of times, and have skipped 2 meals (a dinner and a lunch), i still wanna go back and do it all over again.

it is interesting to note that the number 13 is still plastered around my face. and i'm lucky to have worn it sunup to sundown.

2007-04-15T06:40:00.000-07:00

still MD?

reality has dropped me from dreamworld that now, as the world is sinking in my brains, i still cannot absorb everything that is actually taking in. dreams would always be dreams, and if you try to grab the best opportunity in store to gain a step up the ladder, you'll find yourself landing on your butt sooner than what you think.

ideally after graduation, my plan is to pursue a medicine career and be the best surgeon, far more better than Burke in cardio or Shepard in neuro. specilaization in mind: neuro, cardio (both already said), onco, or ortho (callie!). i love to see myself all geared up in scrubs, a scalpel or with a makita driller for more hardcore. i think it looks lovely a picture. the big yet, is the sudden rising of the long put off canadian dream. the immigration consul counted 2-4 years before the whole family will be good enough to stay, and that means overlapping with my med studies if ever i decided to pursue.
i dont want to be a helpless pussy, that even lookiing up my ladder is like feeling your heart being stabbed soo many times. afterall its like pulling a trigger and see if it will mark a spot. a little of optimism and maybe this time mom will lend me an ear. come april 19, i foresee that the cloudy brain of mine and the broken ladder will soon be fixed. just please, for the better.
i need to put that scrubs on... deadline: 5 years from now.

2007-04-09T00:55:00.000-07:00

VACATION NOT OVER

i thought that having a vacation would give me a total peace of mind. but to my surprise, it wasnt. the least of my priorities is again pushed atop of the heap when the very person himself brought me back to where we left ourselves before...

i still know the attachment, the commitment, everything. but as soon as i decided to stop being in sync with your very erratic schedule, i realized that even at my own, im still at one piece. what does that mean? i DO NOT know.

trust me, i'm looking for the proper remedy for the both of us. and if i'm killing you in pain, accept my deepest apologies. truth hurts.

just think of this as a phase we just have to outive for the moment.

P.S. i am trying... i really do.

2007-03-27T04:32:00.000-07:00

making the most of what is left

3 days to go; 2 more subjects
--- 2 empirical papers
---2 long exams

countless shots.. and finally a degree.

*i'm still looking forward to becoming a doctor. and as i say, a good one.

2007-02-25T09:00:00.000-08:00

rotten

im at the peak of my bewilderment, and im still puzzled as to why everyhting have fallen into broken pieces. this wasnt meant to be so fragile. now, everything just smelled as stale as bread and as bad as rotten egg.

who would like to take in something that has been filled with molds anyway.
i might as well starve myself again

2007-02-16T01:26:00.000-08:00

post op

it wasn't a red day affair for me as compared to most of those i know. on the very eve, i was busy doing tons of paperwork, that i dint care if my bags sag or my hair disheveled. and even if i did have the strongest urge to call his cellphone and greet, poverty also slip in my recesses and have won my decision not too. afterall, its the thought that counts. probably he knew of that.

on the very day, i was thrashed out with muscle spasms and headaches, spent the rest of the day on bed, woke up and continued my triathlon of dibidis spared with popcorns and cereals.

nothing really special about it, but yes, it's a good day.

2007-02-14T06:32:00.000-08:00

what my valentine is...

21 months of loyalty, phone fights, i love yous, cheesy talks, secrets and fun.
i'm glad to have you. even if you've been quite a shadow lately.
i admire your undying efforts to reach and understand the immaturity of my thoughts. i may not have any gifts to offer you, or a thousand letters for you to read. i may not be the cheesy girl you ever will dream of. but one thing is certain----

i badly miss you.

2007-02-08T02:50:00.000-08:00

a bunch of cheese will do

as of now, my life's a total wreck. i need not explicitly state the status of my daily affairs since it would bring tons of questions-- novel et non.

it bothers me, as i contemplate on the matters, that i have been an easy tweep. small time talks, private messages, jeepney rides-- all of those i rolled in one bottle of vodka and had drank till the last drop. and for a little less than a month, i have been badly intoxicated. BADLY.
what made matters worse--- a slip of the tongue. and an untimely phone call.

by the way, i tried to induce a happy aura by biting some monte carlo today. however, it never worked.

2007-02-03T09:03:00.000-08:00

all hearts out

live aids all all fun! buti na lang at may kasama akong tumawa dahil kung hindi, malamang mukha akong sira sa likod nila kaye kakatawa. it was only a bad choice that he was sitting along the aisle and he was easily spotted by giselle. very horrible was when he and another guy was dared to kiss or beso to prove that they weren't closeta's.

the tiger did.

and oh, may i say that giselle picked a gamey little guy. wahahahha
NOTE: gamey LITTLE guy
*laughing all hearts out

2007-02-03T08:40:00.000-08:00

afterplay
after hours didnt shunt the heat up..

2007-01-26T23:06:00.000-08:00

M- PHOSIS

2007-01-19T10:39:00.000-08:00

i have done the unimaginable.

its been quite a while since i vowed not to let anyone in my virtual abode. however, i got a chance to meet someone stupid as i am that easily penetrated my personal bubble; hence gaining a pass to gatecrash (read: irony). i have yet again set aside my intimidating wall and instead opened another door for this someone whose knowledge of me is still bounded by the 4 corners of his monitor..

for you who is new...

welcome.

2007-01-09T19:20:00.000-08:00

fork

this should have been posted a week ago, but because of some mishaps (spilled coffee, holed tummy, black eyebags) which can be easily attributed to lack of sleep and a problematic body clock, it took me several days to recocver from this holiday stress.

2006 bombarded me with several big hit questions . most salient of which carries off till now, future at stake

i do not need a psychic to address my future. enough that i know how goal oriented i am to address the situation of my year.. ideally, my plan is to graduate and pursue med. but the past year have extended my borders to the full and exposed me to some possibilities of what life will be if i take the other way granting that my road forks.
perhaps a year off?

or pursue my long time career-- healing wounds, removing scars, easing pain. all at the same time. and yes, loving it all the more.

2006-12-25T09:42:00.000-08:00

christmas was meager

though our house was fashioned to look a little of being celebrative and cheery- few decors were put up and we hadn't have the usual tree, it wasn't that bad.

even if:
* i only received one gift - not from parents.. but from some kaexchange
* 1 greeting thru text
* 1 greeting thru phone
* the last two came from one person (thnks fabs)

still it wasn't that bad...

i did get even later in the day:
*spending it with few relatives
*videoke straight from afternoon till evening
*LAMOOOON (yep)
*lick from mindy and a snob from chinggay
*went to the fort and was unfortunate as we end up "cutoffed" from krispy kreme line, gonuts instead
*kuya javi winning the freethrow challenge and won chinggoy (the unggoy stuffed toy)
*having felt his fulfillment- priceless!

*and just being plainly satisfied with how everything was as the whole day ended.

still... christmas was fun regardless of it being meager.

2006-12-17T10:05:00.000-08:00

on the rocks

im betting my ass on this... im closer again to single hood if this still persists.

aint doing any better with him for the last couple of months. and im darn hating it.

2006-12-09T02:35:00.000-08:00

enough on concerns

do what you please. SKIES THE LIMIT. i dont mind you crossing the borders or chasing death. i've had too much burden on worrying even if to no avail. i won't care on anything that will concern you.
i'm letting you be.

and i'm letting myself out.

2006-12-06T09:23:00.001-08:00

PSYCHIATRIC CLEARANCE
i never did anything right. i'm in no proper order-- the most positive i can get does not sit perfectly to what i'm planning ahead; the most negative, has been presumed to be bound by aggressive tendencies..

what i thought was a normal release of sadness, is a predisposition to what he says--- DEPRESSION.
i say, i'm bound to med school; he says i'm not.
and the paper tells otherwise.

2006-11-30T18:37:00.000-08:00

muscle man

2006-11-20T02:35:00.000-08:00

happy house
nothing beats a sem starter. doing it the mona way!

2006-11-09T08:12:00.000-08:00

ENTHUSIASM IN QUESTION

my first day hit a piece of my brain a while ago with a question that i forced myself to think over... and over...

am i still enthusiastic and as determined to pursue a medicine career?

i may seem to be a conformist. but after almost 4 years, i'm almost completely spaced out from what my initial plans are. if before i'm proud to tell everyone that i'd be pursuing my medicine studies, im shrinking myself to a couch head and trying to think it over. im now opting for a year off after grad and decide. or maybe to be like a bummer and wait for graces.
is it that im just fixated from my childhood dreams of being clad in white and operating a thousand carcasses? or i just love the morbidity of being in service of others??

err.. my public service inclination is still a big question mark.

2006-11-07T07:21:00.000-08:00

three some
plain. clean. fun.
*

2006-10-25T08:47:00.000-07:00

IT IS THINSPIRING NO MORE

i'm grateful to have a handful of friends who are in silent mumbling for the past few days when my thinspiring photo at frinedster was publicized. even if i look like my last muscle was already been converted for glycoligenic consumption, rest assured that im in tight shape--- i still have my bones for a frame and my skins are up for a good cover.

so far, my "fitness" is being put to stress by flu and head ache of all sorts. i only ate a chicken the night before then the next day i found myself unable to stand and walk for movement sake.
the last thing i know, my tongue grew out to be a bittergourd, and has spared me to eat for two consecutive meals. please, no more finger pointing if you think i look a lot lot worse.

2006-10-18T09:26:00.000-07:00

intoxicated
yes, at you. ur last kiss left me all purple.

yet, im asking for more.
blow me up. a big bubble.
let me pop

2006-10-13T09:44:00.000-07:00

dysfunx tagboard

pls send your messages thru email instead. this hassle will still take at most 2 months.. thanks

2006-10-11T02:42:00.000-07:00

switchfoot

it was a cruel way to start the month with some forgetfulness. especially, if you are expecting something that would remind you that your'e special....
but as surprises and gifts are naturally "unexpected", i think it would rather be better to relieve oneself of anticipations- i'm getting all focused on my peripheries,that i almost bumped myself on the wall. afterall, it must be the front that must be bothered about the most.

18 more days.. before i'll finally switch back to peripheries. this time no more guilts.

2006-10-08T10:38:00.000-07:00

who steers the wheel

i would like to think of our case a split brained one. and if only a chimeric figures test is possible, i will be the very first to confirm that my side is not the dominating one.

but i am very much willing to adjust the floors. just give me all the time and patience you have, if still, there are.

2006-09-27T08:12:00.000-07:00

clueless

after i have spent-slash passed the time with.....

i ended up drenched in sweat and rain
even got a sore foot

the worst, it wasn't appreciated.

2006-09-25T04:38:00.000-07:00

snapshots @ the game
pix courtesy of mona

dyan,mona and moi

with boom boy
sana UP din
with mona the koreana

2006-09-22T06:58:00.000-07:00

kudos to san beda

before anything else, pls scrap in mind what i have posted for the past weeks. all is well (again).

anyhoo, i was out with bry and some bedan friends. naki school spirit ako sa iba. haha...
although i dont like red as a school color, it looks better on bedans. (sa bedans lang). the game was a tight one in the last seconds of the final quarter after aljamal managed to rebound the ball and kept stuck on it for even a few seconds. and so, madrama ang finale, since it was only a 1 pt lead. buti na lang at may kapit ang kamay ni aljamal! (like ko na siya, and also the one who fired a 3 point shot na almost half court ang layo--- shempre, i love bry better).

*i'm looking forward to the ateneo-uste game.
and since, ayaw ko sa uste,
GO ATENEO!!!

2006-09-09T09:26:00.000-07:00

simple analogy

if you're life's a bitch, and iam your "life"
then
i am your bitch.

yes, im a bitch.

2006-09-06T08:46:00.000-07:00

GINUMAN!! 5 SHOTS FOR PURP

2006-08-31T00:47:00.000-07:00

sorry

words are not enough to express how painful it is to let go. in fact, as i'm writing this whole thing, i can't help but take deep sighs to release the tension building up inside. i know that iam not the perfect person for you,
and yet i keep on trying countless number of times to show you how much am i willing to give. but it seems like it doesn't make you any happier. i thought that you could be the person to understand since you have traced me entirely from the very start.probably you were right most of the time. you have a number of points to raise for my lack of inconsiderations. but isnt it just fair to broaden your horizons and give me a fair share of your understanding? or i just couldnt make up for the demands and have touched the last nerve of your patience. whatever the case is, i have fought my whole life on this, i have adjusted, even tightened up to the last hole of my belt. but that doesn't mean that i have perfected myself that there is no room left enough for flaws. and for this last moment that we've been together, this shallow imperfection has led me to a realization that for such a long time i kept on suppressing. i can no longer tolerate the discipline im putting myself into. i have drained my resources and can't afford to invest the remaining percent i have left. sorry.

2006-08-30T07:47:00.000-07:00

one day

.... when i get used to things, everything would just all be gone.
promise

2006-08-21T02:30:00.000-07:00

the hell with monday-holiday drizzles

blame the mothball fumes for making me sick since thursday. i was busy digging in salvation army's refuse of clothes and bags that i wasn't able to notice that i have inhaled air borne protists and other micro specimens. the next day, was unfortunate as well to even get my fingers in deep trouble. think about fuming sulfuric acid + tollen's reagent. woohoo.. double double whammy. swear, it left a chocolatey rich mark with stings to match. pakshet. there was no actual first aid, since i discovered it at home already and my mom insisted on putting petroleum jelly all over, i on the other hand would like to try on acetone to erase the mess. but she won't let me- fearing about the possible reaction of another chemical would blow my fingers away (read: ignition-reaction theory of matter).

fast forwarded, saturdays and sundays didnt do well. the shearing pain in my throat and my runny nose set me early to bed for 2 straight nights. and my medications/ fruit juices/ lozenges won't do me any good. except that it facilitates disruption of circadian cycles and inhibits activation of my reticular system. in short, my anticipation of a hassle free monday holiday is nothing but jammed traffics on books and handouts. spare me from the "headaches". well, i hope.

2006-08-16T10:29:00.000-07:00

sojourns and hormonal spurts

Spilling the beans just to free myself from impediments would entirely be a no win case as it would complicate matters. However, I opt to do so for no apparent reason. Probably, my tongue’s sting is too much to handle than the notoriety of becoming the next walking headline to be talked over a cup of coffee. The past few weeks were completely occupied by frequent toilet trips, vertigo experiences, number counting- yes, forwards and backwards (checking on the double if I got my computations right, whether I have landed on the wrong date or on the not so wrong dates) and hoarding every drop of possible justification for my crisis.
What if the answers lie in those morsels of white stuck bwn my digits? Or could it be that divine intervention blastula implantation achievable?

2006-07-21T23:47:00.000-07:00

tête-à-tête to banter

For somebody, very much interested in the mechanism of a concerted conversation, one thing keeps popping out of my head: is it a necessity to drag a "wage war movement"
whenever there is a rotting existence of silence? OR to induce spontaneity, brings along a pseudo topic that you can call an argument just to break the muted gap?
I really would like to appreciate the effort of your call, but on every occasion I RESPOND ACCORDINGLY on it, you always respond as if I am wide of the mark. Besides, if I am to defend myself, would just pile up my cons as a partner- since we never did have the same wavelength (and if ever, is a rare case). The question of why's and how's of my temperament is not the remedy to make me cognizant of my flaws. Yes, I do so admit. That to be able to stretch the dawning conclusion of this understanding, you talk of you becoming a martyr as if that is the only medication left for the recurring cancer of our conversations. At the same time, you keep on pointing me a finger that it's me who's keeping this mess up.
Finishing off the discourse early is not a negative means of prolonging this fight. But apparently, you have superimposed yet another meaning for my untimely resignment. The following day, that I felt at least ok, you slap me once again- as if I've done it all again. What do you want me to do? I have just tried all the possibilities.
Plus factor: I so thought you are to go out for errands, how come it's not the way things turned out today. As if it's a big deal to ask what your errand is that you're hiding it like a surreptitious act. And what a sudden plan of going out with family? I so thought your Saturdays are free.

2006-07-09T01:57:00.000-07:00

when poverty strikes

its hard to imagine how. as soon as everything had fallen into place, the majority took their initial reactions as if we-will-be-on-this-till the-end. later in the day, you came to see them at ogle pointe blank; and for an act of concern, you suggest that a white flag is a must. its not enough that motivation is fired only by hopes and prayers. a 20-80 probability on the cons side is as much as necessary for a gamble.

i understand how exasperating it is. but nobody can fight an invisible/ perennial foe.

2006-07-09T00:32:00.000-07:00

closet gays

2006-06-26T03:06:00.000-07:00

isang uboderang sinungaling

may katulong kami na ang pangalan ay "beng" at sa di malamang dahilan, hindi namin mabuo ang kanyang totoong pangalan. kung di lang dahil sa papel de agencia na nakita sa drawer niya matapos siyang lumayas/ pinalayas, malamang she will be remembered as the certain "beng" as mom would have put it.

its a june 12 when she marked our calendars- immediate goodbye; na ginawan niya ng isang malakomedyang exit/ maladrama sa parte niya (maaksyon pa nga). a fight na almost "killing spree" na ang datign kung di pa naawat, sent her back home. and during the discussion "beng" told dad na kinakanti daw siya ng isang tibo (def.: inaasar). and this time it rose her temper. what started the fight was when this tomboy aka marlin, suddenly rushed for her inside the house. which she explained why she hurried home and look for some sort of weapon (read: pangsafeguard).
its mostly a verbal fight, in "beng's" part- panakot lang naman ang jack sa kamay at puro mura ang ginawa. marlin, on the other hand went out after she realized na pwede siyang makasuhan ng trespassing.
dad tried to pacify "beng's" anger for an hour and a half. at ang makapal na mukhang katulong, napaka OA na talga that she even kicked the car every time she felt that it would be the best moment to match with her cries. pinauwi siya ng crame asap, sabi ni tito, mainit na dugo ng kapitbahay sa kanya. kinailangan ng baranggay tanod para makumbinsi na umuwi na. at katulad ni mcarthur, she uttered: "babalikan ko siya..." - mga huling salita bago sumibat.

what made her the uboderang sinungaling?
- the fight between her and the tomboy ay dahil sa nabuking siya (bilang katulong) ng nagpakilala siya sa isang girl sa tapat ng bahay namin na may-ari ng bahay namin.... (kapal)
- when we're out of town, she once told some neighbors that she was dad's cousin.
- at ang pakilala niya sa counter boy sa mercury: nagwowork daw siya sa call center. (yan talga ang panalo- mukha pa lang di na papasa)
* im not judgemental, nor superficial. but she's just too much. aside from the fact that she's so comfortable inside the house she even tries to meddle in family affairs; had asked my brothers to work in the dishes whenever dad's away; and was always out- para dumaldal.

that's where my mom's pay for her go.

2006-06-08T09:15:00.000-07:00

sana di bigo

iam a senior psych student with plans of going med. but as of the present moment a medicine dream seems to be shifting away from the way things are turning out: a mediocre mark from compara anat, mama leaving, and plus plus debits (this is where the privys come in).
for a parent under tights, will he be willing to pay a little over a million, wait for another half a decade just to see his daughter gleaming and getting ready for her 1st operation?

that i think won't do. (hoping that my hopes wont fall)

2006-06-05T23:22:00.000-07:00

a month's hardwork, only equals a seat of mediocrity. and even if i have plucked and burned my eyebrows, its the only seat available. i always wonder how come those night stretches didn't span my success mark. and when will my efforts reach the fullest of the fullest?

summer really is a suspense thriller.

2006-05-14T10:15:00.000-07:00

calle katorse

2006-05-13T08:12:00.000-07:00

UNION

two in between eight equals equals equals
is multiplied by
parenthesis parenthesis parenthesis one (and only one) parenthesis parenthesis
parenthesis
means a bundle of challenges, joy and naught.

mathematically wrong but practically right.

2006-05-04T16:33:00.000-07:00

slumber
recently, was out to study. ended up as a sober. totally wasted that is.
just another night of excuses.

*whoever played my camera was a total jerk.

2006-05-02T09:50:00.000-07:00

badly needing a hug

and so you thought you're lucky you got a brain;
for 2 straight days of continuously memorizing the muscles, you see hope for a final exam exemption. you keep doin the rituals to keep you standing firm. and yet when the time has arrived, and you have called the gods, it did no good. that brain you've been relying with has totally failed.

and even if you have shifted to a different chapter of body system, you still cant move on. absent mindedly tearing that greater omassum to pieces and breaking the cat's jaws doesnt satisfy you to the bone. how come?

still keeping fingers crossed for exam results tomorrow.

2006-04-06T09:58:00.000-07:00

how can you possibly write about a person you've loved for almost a year and a half? i can always say that he's one of the greatest person that has come in. i always ask if he's a product of time or just got my luck?i can also bombard the screen with cliched adjectives like he's the most loving, caring, generous, patient - anything that'd make him sound like the perfect boyfriend - and still accomplish nothing except maybe for sounding like a friendster testimonial gone horribly wrong. how can you possibly write about a person whose smallest, most insignificant details - like how he has got his scar on his chin, or how he throws jabs when angry or how his jaw drops when he sleeps - fascinate the life out of you? seriously, with only a thousand letters, how can you write about such a person? i honestly do not know.

its probably time whose gonna fill these all up.

2006-04-03T21:38:00.001-07:00

shadow

past the crevices
and nearing the looming emptiness
never looking back
heart running faster than
your limbs do

pay a million times grand
for your life's insurance
a twin for your reserve-
with matching imprints
from thumb to basic strings

finite to infinity
where everything is
programable
back to zero

all attempts
doesnt pay
think you have outsmarted death?

fantasy. fallacy

2006-04-01T09:09:00.001-08:00

narcissus

the summer solstice tragedy: when narcissus dipped into the water and has coveted thine self, selfish thinking has led to his end

how suicidal.

yet his flowers bloom. for millions grace his tragedy stripping naked, plus the drools and sweat. drag theirsselves into the waters and love its reflection.

such is the beauty.

2006-03-09T07:34:00.000-08:00

@migs
yup there is.. (i think). but not in the sort of "on the rocks".

to avoid boat "rockin" its a 2 week rest.
god has rested on the 7th day, maybe ours need one too.

and migs- sobrang magiging busy talga ako for the next couple of weeks.
pwede na bang excuse yun?

2006-03-08T07:48:00.000-08:00

nasty

there will always be pepo-le perv roundin the corner
with a click of the shutter, you might lose that privacy of yours
and theirs, a thousand gains

2006-03-03T16:38:00.001-08:00

makeitclear

if life is a piece of boredom
then........shit- pee, shit- pee
round as
circle it goes

cut loops of and press brakes
or

try centrifuge- see the layers
afterall

its not always shit and pee

2006-03-01T02:34:00.000-08:00

Ha? ako ba to?
i dont think so
--------------------------------------------------------------------

You scored as Mathematics. You should be a Math major! Like Pythagoras, you are analytical, rational, and when are always ready to tackle the problem head-on!

Mathematics

92%

English

92%

Biology

92%

Linguistics

75%

Engineering

75%

Philosophy

75%

Psychology

75%

Theater

67%

Journalism

58%

Art

50%

Sociology

50%

Dance

42%

Chemistry

42%

Anthropology

33%

What is your Perfect Major? (PLEASE RATE ME!!<3)
created with QuizFarm.com

2006-02-27T05:01:00.000-08:00

outline

early summer getaway at zambales. sun had painted my limbs red. now suffering from sunburns.

*photo from l-r: helicopter island, a shot at the beach, me and daniel

2006-02-21T03:12:00.000-08:00

311

it doesn't matter if you haven;t visited the showers. the old smell of your socks plus plus pheromones will surely be a key to lock some one else's chemoreceptors. and even if you have made some drama to resist the upcoming dread of being boxed again, its always a haunt.
a 400+ -- fast forwarded, sensuous crap and i love you's.
everyones a high.
for even the good deed of yours sometimes pay. and whatever it is, the one thing that will matter is that the grease seeps deep. your blood follows in the morning.
a blessed sign (?)

2006-02-12T07:40:00.000-08:00

wacky!!!

sunday has never been a laughtrip. rj went with me to church!!! whoohooo!!! very unlikely. some shots. :)

*but he never seem to notice*

2006-02-04T09:27:00.000-08:00

crippled

a glimpse of the past is cycling in the present.
3 cups of diluted caffeine equals an afternoon of palpitations.
an internal time machine has shifted me to the past.
i felt his weak ego projections..

i already killed him. in my dreams....
sad love story

- end of story -

2006-01-31T07:14:00.000-08:00

kalyo kalyong paa

unang beses ko lang maglakad paikot ng mendiola. prusisyon na di ako kabilang. pumapel lang ako at nakieksena. pumasok sa bakod ng iba, ngunit hindi naman trumespass- salamat sa maagap na paghawak sa aking kamay at pagbibigay sa akin ng entrance ticket.
ang paghawak rin na iyon ang nagdala at nagikot sa akin paikot ng kalsada.

isang matalinhagang kwento ang prusisyon sa mendiola noong linggo. isang daang dasal at higit pa ang inalay kay sto. nino. isang hatak sa palad.

2 mahigpit na hawak.

2006-01-25T01:25:00.000-08:00

few sips are fine

the moment you let your finger go, its just a matter of time before your whole body'll follow. and looking at the hourglass you just set in, the time's already over. someone has already fed on you. its a helpless case.
but on the contrary, [i am loving the idea that somebody has fed on me]

*this doesn't mean danger right?*

2006-01-22T17:58:00.000-08:00

mouthfuls

isnt it tempting to eat a gallon of ice cream after that hhhhoooottttt friday evening? i am damn burning. a stick to swath then go. geez..

2006-01-20T06:48:00.000-08:00

black eye is just a piece of cake

with things all piled up, black eyes do come in handy:
1.) lets you have an unquestioned excuse
2.) sorrow could be that superficial
3.) paint the world with that color on

plus plus! you dont get that market value to sell that burnt out face.

2006-01-17T07:28:00.000-08:00

"sometimes you'll come to that point of empty handedness. with your mind driftin asea. and your stuffing the air as if panting. without exactly any cause at all."

2006-01-15T00:36:00.000-08:00

shedding tears

i'll miss 2616...
the corner, the stained sheets, the sunsets, the cafe.

if not for the spoiler, the happy story wont actually end this fast. wishing the worst for him.
yesterday, i went with bry to check another place. not an outsider friendly.

*sob*

2006-01-04T07:06:00.000-08:00

chasing pain away

good thing that my tooth cooperated. the idea of a dentist must have eased the pain away. the only thng to mind about is if it would last for tomorrow, the day after tomorrow... till eternity.

*sigh* i hope so.
p.s. bry's a little sicky today. bad bad bad.

2006-01-02T07:08:00.000-08:00

it doesnt get any better. my molar hurts soooo bad. my mom told me that if the swelling continues even with medication, i hafta go and let the dentist check me up. i got a dentist phobia when the dentist started to drill holes in my molar a couple of years ago. it was actually an unfinished business since after the "drilling" he told me to visit him the next week. funny cauise until now (2 years later), im still avoiding "the clinic".

going back, after my mom told me about seeing the dentist, i immediately crossed fingers and say my prayers. (this unlikely happens).
if only pain channelling happens, then probably, its now the computer who'll be shitting the pain away.

2006-01-01T08:26:00.000-08:00

gums

i got pain pangs 3 days ago near my parotid. at first it was tolerable but then after 2 days, it sorta grow into a humongous pain. and i ended sitting muted. im helpless as my right jaw grows bigger and bigger.

the swelling of my gum was the culprit.

my dormant wisdom tooth is again active. my jaws are painful. and i could only open my mouth 2 fingers wide. when eating, i have to stuff food in. geez.
i already popped a couple of pain relievers tonite.
still no good.

2005-12-28T02:46:00.000-08:00

it is only when you peek, that you see the reflection of the one who's behind it all.

2005-12-27T00:33:00.000-08:00

crumbs

when you have reached that point of seeing the entirety, a wisp of conclusion pops out of your head. a moment of silence. truth will whisper. and you'll end up to that pot accidentally. come to think of it, that naive head you've been hating has done you a glorious favor.

for some iincident, you end up laughing. while the other, is struck cluelessly.

2005-12-20T08:25:00.000-08:00

tinkerbell

the slapping wind on her face
reminds her past
23 floors above

she likes playing little miss tinker bell
and for every leap, is another neverland and peter pan

and what remains of her:
a broken dustwand and
ashen butterfly wings

as she ogle at blankness...

a push from behind

made her bow. face flat

2005-12-19T09:15:00.000-08:00

de' plea--t

18 wasnt the ripe time for me to be legal and so is 19. even if i have proven this to dad so many times, he is still deaf- wont even allow me to at least explore what is beyond.
the 19 years of my life has made me an experienced athlete of my race.

and though im impossible to almost everything, im trying the best. still hoping for your optimism regarding this matter. (with fingers crossed)

ps: im looking forward to this place with "no boundaries". where butterfly wings can make us fly higher than the sky.

2005-12-18T09:11:00.000-08:00

psychsoc christmas party

hehe.. late na naman ako. got my first free time to at least upload some pics of psych soc's christmas party.
boy oh boy.. chrsitmas break starts.

which then reminds me, that i miss the old boys. particularly FABS!!!!!

2005-12-09T08:02:00.000-08:00

tattooed
got so brain freezed. i did no good in my bio lab exam. and my throat hurts like a mother. good thing i got some mint to smell on. cold months like this leaves me all wet and slow. 2616 is a sure fire. just had a tattoo embedded on my chest. well not exactly the chest... looks more like a bruise than an art.

tattoo artist gone mad.
mark a dimple in thine chin.

2005-12-07T15:30:00.000-08:00

tapered mouth

i never had the chance to at least take a peak and see the greenery of my canvas. enough if i'll say that ive been busy picking up pieces and slicing tadpoles. iam done with the usual recitation of structures starting from the prosencephalon to the anus.

which then gives me. not a break but a flu.

2005-10-31T23:00:00.000-08:00

sepia

sight of spilled coffee.
mixture of solemn hues- of gray, brown and black
the color of a tired eye
weary color of a tired vintage fan
monroe and jfk; monroe's classic mole

the casket. the scare. a picture forgotten.
a lost life. a memory. a dimly lit room. shadows. mournings.
an unwritten parchment.
le photographie

for the love of sepia.

2005-10-27T13:46:00.000-07:00

austerity

with juan still survivng against the jungial wave of poverty--his belt set on the 9th (the last) hole and his blanket a little less than an incubtor of warmth for his curling body. the minimalist, i guess, would just be another prophet for all of us to take the initiative to mark all our wallets and eat instant noodles. for some, the noodles still mean a fiesta, and instead eat a peso worth of crackers matched with a cup of rice. beggars by then may leave their street posts and flock wishing wells to reap coins endowed with hopes. hopes that would mean a thousand comet ages ere it happens. and the heads of offices i bet, will again come to compromise for another budget proposal with its credits pouring in their pockets. the last thing i know, a splurge for their necessitites cum luxuries.

2005-10-24T13:18:00.000-07:00

masama lang talga ang loob ko sa crs. kahit yung nasa department walang magwa tungkol dito. tsk tsk.

2005-10-23T00:06:00.000-07:00

maister

whoever keeps the babies alive. and whatever knot has been posted on the head. i do so understand that marital- premarital problems are all rooted under one mushroom. the ballooning population has forgotten charms of baby making. it is actually an evidence.

one thing i realized, better ready that imodium pills for a nice getaway.
that's a hairline close.
worry not on that slinky pet. a good rub will do.

may i just remind: to throw away excess alcohol before doing a good act.

2005-10-16T19:30:00.000-07:00

payoff

it could be a nice massage, a tap in the back. but the best thing about getting a payoff, is visiting that crampy tub and have yourself a nice shower and little rides.. err, imagination. nevertheless, that one is considered a cheap thrill, or a ride of your life after a long day. no need to fan the bills and splurge. no need to hate that boy crazed in early birthday parties with all flowing beer and cheeses after every camera flashes.

iron that forehead as we get 5 M's counting since summer said goodbye.

2005-10-14T01:30:00.000-07:00

multiply 13

leafing through pages of childhood, bittersweet memories of candies, and bubblegums, of writing in cursives and multiplication tables

dad with his angry gesture of counting, no fingers please.
only heads. brain cells counting in ones then hundreds and thousands; fingers were hiding as children tried to multiply 7 by 2

and when daddy sees... a thirteen is bore in the head
a slap in the butt, and a teardrop

give me 13 by 5--- i'll raise that to 65!
cheers.. asses out. AMEn

2005-10-13T01:30:00.000-07:00

purple cockroach

there's nothing more to say with the homos. theyre a bunch of flying cockroaches that have pentrated the whole stretch of the blue green universe; have longer buttcracks and wider butt holes; do most of our hair edges and give us quality green jokes; talk to them for hours and find out who's the next victim of their lips asmeared in pink.

a survivor of their own cause. a mascot, brought by taboo, theyre funny oompah loompahs jumping up and down-

let somebody answer: how could you possibly put in all the tendencies of being a fe/male under just a purple raincoat... and again, how about hiding the weak tendencies if your to walk with a dangling red purse?

turn left, then right, head on till morning.. im looking forward for the sun faced baby to show up in between the hills.let him teach me how to lie on my back and laugh. make me talk like im reading a children storybook.